Type 1 & Mental Health....

     

    Hey guys!! Long talk no talk I am so unsure how I let this long go by without talking to you all not even a stinking update. Did not think anyone read any of my blogs in regard to diabetes at least my own experiences with it. But anyway.....there has been in some way many exiting things going on and others that have not been that exiting in the least. 

    Over the last few weeks though not recently, my mom has had to call the ambulance for me. I have had few too many extreme low blood sugars that I have had seizures to go with them. It has not been fun on the least. I am not sure what has been causing that. I have not been or felt stressed on the least. Not as far as I know, though one the last Saturday of last month she called because in her words 'I was hitting her, spitting at her as well as making the motion as if I were to almost vomit' she also said I had no clothes on. Mind you I have no recollection of any of this. There are maybe one or two things I remember from the whole thing. One thing I do remember is waking up and being awake was me crying to myself and telling myself 'I am not crazy' over and over, the nurses and even the security guard looked at me with such worry and telling me that they were in such worry for me and thought I was a danger for myself and others. I never thought I ever would hear those words from anyone.

    Yes, I am seeing a psychiatrist, I as well am taking medication for PTSD/Bipolar Depression and Anxiety/Insomnia, along with insulin and of course checking my blood sugar as often as possible. I started doing so seeing a psychiatrist and therapist, for one I needed help with past trauma I never really got help for, and never really knew how to deal with it. All of that trauma I never got help for weas messing with my diabetes, blood sugar and my mental health in general. In part I did not know how to be human, I started to withdraw from the world, sleeping all day and not even wanting to eat anything at all. I was in a bad space mentally for quite a few years. The relationships between me and my mom and my sister and I were not that great. I was just not me for a lack of better words. 

    I feel a bit more myself now that I am seeking help for my mental help and now the relation between my mom, my sister and I is getting better little by little. Even my diabetes is getting better except for the low blood sugars that I have here and there. The lows that come with seizures the ones that come during I am asleep are the ones that scare me. The ones with seizures, those are the ones that scare me so much.

Diabetes Daily: Lows and some Highs

     Times when I have a low blood sugar it makes me feel week and tired. It makes me feel as if it is not me at all, kind of like an out of body experience. It feels off in some sort of way, whenever I am experiencing a low blood sugar. One time I remember, I felt a low blood sugar coming low, it felt as if I had smoked marijuana or something like that. It felt weirdly off and awkward. I didn't know explain it to anyone or tell the people I was working with what was happening, or how I was feeling. All I was able to quickly think of was asking for a juice. I am not sure why it was the first thing to my mind, but it did, but I am glad I did though. I just in a way knew how speak up whenever I were to have a low blood sugar. I though shut down; I even forget how to even speak. I get dumb when my blood sugar gets low, I dislike it very so much. I don't know how else to describe how it feels for me to have a low blood sugar. I have had quite a few times where I wake up while having a low blood sugar seizure. It feels wrong, my body feels like I can barely move it. I feel like a damn robot. It feels like I lose control of my body. I feel like my limbs are stuck however my body is laying down, somehow though I manage to lay on my side, just in case of anything. On times like this, I am glad I have a smart phone, where I can just say "hey siri call...." I honestly have never felt glad to have a smart phone, for when times like such come up. 

    Now when it comes to a stupid high blood sugar, it feels like dying in some way. I feel dryer than the Sahara Desert. I cannot stop drinking water while I run to the restroom. I have had those times when I have had DKA, and it feels like I'm dying. It does not feel pretty how horrendous it feels. Aside from feeling dryer than the Sahara Desert, I feel hunger, though no matter how much water I may drink, it feels that the thirst does not quench at all. At the same time, I pee more than I drunk it feels like. The hunger part, it feels like even if I eat no matter how much, I lose weight like dumb. I as well vomit, and my body cannot hold anything, not even water, that is when is extremely bad DKA wise. It never felt great, the times I was experiencing all of that, it never felt great at all. At one point I told myself, "Maybe it's time to pass on, so you do not have to deal with Diabetes anymore.

    Same negative talk I've had it when I experience extremely low blood sugars, that includes the ones where I woken up while having a seizure. None of those two highs or lows ever okay in any shape, way or form. Let alone having to deal with diabetes every single day at every hour minute or second. It sucks having to deal with diabetes, I dislike diabetes, I very so much dislike I was ever diagnose I was ever diagnosed with it. But one of the things I dislike the most, is when people tell me or say I don't ever try hard enough, or that I don't ever do my best to take care of myself or my diabetes. As if they knew how difficult it is to manage it in the first place. I didn't ask to be a Diabetic. I never asked for a chronic illness at all, especially when your only six years old. 

    Diabetes has thought me so much, so very much and I am grateful for that, even though I dislike having Diabetes, I am glad I learn many things every day, even to this day, I still learn many things from having diabetes. There's never a damn dull day every. There is many resources and help guide I can always go to, if I were to have difficulties with something, whether is diabetes wise or medications or whatever it is. There is resources out there for any of us to try. I would like them down below for you if you needed resources for anything or help.

Diabetes Assication

JDRF

https://www.jdrf.org/

Coffee-Blog: Merry New Year's Everyone!

    I hope everyone had a great New Year's party, celebrations, or however you celebrate the coming of a brand-new year. Where we all going to have 365 reasons to make it a better day, and year, the best one yet. 365 reasons to celebrate life and enjoy every moment of it. To enjoy the little moments that are the ones that make our lives brighter, the ones that you can always go back to. The memories you make with the ones you love and are closest to you.

    This brand-new year I want to challenge myself to enjoy the small joyful moments and make great new memories that I can always look back to. The experiences that I can always go back to, the one's I would love to experience whether if is, with family, friends or on my own. I will this year do the best that I can to enjoy the little things in everyday, that no one takes a moment to remember or experience how it made them feel that moment or day. As well as to write more blogs for you guys, ones that I hope you guys will enjoy reading again and again But I will do need some of your help, to write better blogs, such as what topics you would like to read about. 

    I hope you all have a wonderful new year! As well as I hope your new year's resolutions come true as well as your wishes.

DiabetesDaily: Out on Leave

How’s everyone doing! I feel I’ve barely write on this blog anymore. But the last few days I promise there was a pretty good reason for me not to update you guys until now even if I wanted to. Reason being was that this past Sunday, I had gone to urgent care, because I was not feeling well. I got a little bit scared because my blood sugars weren’t coming down below the 250’s. I was sick and I thought it was just flu virus that was going around, since everyone that I work with had got it, you know the flu. 

So you got me there in the urgent care, the dr lady checking me out asking the usual questions. I was feeling sick, tired, exhausted, low energy and you know typical symtoms of the flu, as well as with one day with a temperature of almost 100. That was about about a week ago. So here we have the Dr lady and the nurses giving me the flu/covid test thing. And guess what!! While at the urgent care, my damn blood sugar dropping low! Damn me! Right? Good thing I was at the urgent care, they had me on with an IV thing right away giving me that dextrose thing. Mind you I had gotten there about 10ish in the morning I thought I was going to get the heck out of there within the hour or so. But no, I was there until after 3pm. Which I did not mind it I was taken care of, and they helped me with the stupid low I had to have all of a sudden. I didn’t get the results of that flu/covid thing till the day after. And guess what came back positive! Not the flu that is for damn sure! I tested positive for the stupid covid thing! That really bothered me, because for the whole year I was was testing negative specially in the beginning of the year when everyone had to be testing for it. Mind you I am fully vaccinated along with the booster thing. Im just glad the symptoms where not as bad, as some other people had got them. Which is good, mind you being a diabetic it could had gone the wrong way. Im glad it did not though. 

  I was just out for a couple of days, taking antibiotics that im still taking, so whatever it is I still have goes away. Im finally symtom free and not feeling as shit as I was feeling a week ago. I finally got the clear that I am able to come back to work, which is where I am at the moment. But dont worry, I am only here for today, then I get New Years off, which is going to be good, I get to rest for a couple of days more, specially for the New Years, and i get to spend it with my dog, my fur-baby-child Toby. 

I am feeling so much better though trust me, and I am glad my blood sugars are not going stupid like they were when I was sick, trying to fight off the virus. As well as I am glad it did not get to worse, nor did I ended up in the hospital, which is a plus! I mean, who even likes the hospital anyway right! For sure I the hell don't! The only thing I feel is tired, that's pretty much it, but well enough to get back to work.

update 1: I am glad to say, I am feeling much better than I was a few days ago when I wrote to you guys. The antibiotics are working that's for sure, that's what antibiotics are for right? To help you get better, right? I hope you guys have a wonderful New Years.

Diabetes Daily....Let's Talk Diabetes

     Good Evening/Morning everyone,

How's everyone doing tonight. I am doing perfectly well enough, for tonight at least. Diabetes though, I dislike it most days, yet others I want to think I'm perfectly fine with it. That is because there is days where the numbers are so perfect, it makes me think I am doing something amazing or having the most amazing day ever. Other days the numbers are just disgusting enough it makes me think I am not doing anything right even though I do the best of my abilities.

    It makes feel like a failure when my blood sugars aren't doing as good as would like to. Yes, there is days where I hate it being a diabetic so much, it makes me wonder why I was ever diagnosed with it or why did I had to become a diabetic. Bur in a way, it makes me feel okay enough to be one because I can teach someone about it or explain to someone what diabetes is, or at least the different between type one (juvenile diabetes) and type 2. Though most people think and ask when I tell them I have diabetes they say "is that the bad one?" "is that the worse one?" I do not know what people think diabetes is, or when they think I cannot eat food at all, such as chocolate, soda, juice or whatever it is. I try and explain my diabetes in every which way possible in a way they may understand yet most are too stupid to want to understand. I don't understand what people think diabetes is, or what the differences are. All I hear is "oh yes my so and so has diabetes. They did such and such and now they do not have diabetes anymore. Maybe you should try it, and you can get off your meds, as well as you won't be diabetic anymore." So that's where I come in and try to explain about the one diabetes that I have and explain to them what the type of diabetes I have is. Or at least a simple explanation of the two is, that I believe people may understand, if so. 

    I remember too though, when I first got diagnosed with diabetes back in 1996, it was very difficult to deal with diabetes in every sense. Specially for a six-year-old child who knows not better about a chronic illness that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. Let alone a single mother who knew no better but did her best to deal with it. All I knew at that age was that I wanted to eat cake, candy and soda. I was always told I couldn't or just a simple no. I did not understand why I couldn't by my friends were able to just not me. I did not understand, why everyone else was able to enjoy, candy, soda, cake and all those good, tasty things kids love to eat, yet I was unable to do so. All I knew to do at that age was prick my fingers and inject myself at least 30 min before I had to eat. I did not even comprehend the whole diabetes thing at that age. I did not even know what that meant at six years old. 

    But now that I am older, I understand better how to manage my diabetes better than I did when I was in high school. I did rebel at that age, I did not want to do the whole pricking the falangies nor inject at all. I did do so, but not like I was supposed to. But anyway though, that is what it is. 

That is all my ranting for the day, Ill talk to you all soon....

Diabetes Daily…Technology

I haven’t talked to you guys in a long while, how is everyone doing though. Ive been well enough deal with the daily struggles of diabetes, and the daily lows, and highs. But that is is life as a diabetic right?

  But anyway, I wanted to come and talk about how technology has changed so much over the years since I got diagnosed with diabetes back in 1996. Though I am sure for many of you that are older than me it did changed much much more than it did for me. But in a way it changed as well, for me at least and many others that got diagnosed at around the same time as I did. 

  But anyway lets go on. 

Now I use an insulin pump and a dexcom (cgm) and that is a big deal for someone like me. I remember when I first got diagnosed, when I needed to check my blood sugar the glucose meter took at least five minutes to read my blood sugar (glucose). And that was a waiting game, and how long it took for it to give the results unlike now, some glucose meters take less than five seconds to give you a reading. Let alone the Dexcom. I remember though the first few newer versions of the glucose meter at least in my time when the companies where coming out iwth new meters, that took five seconds or less to give you the reading and that was amazing news!! For me at least and many others, because it gave more time to calculate the insulin that I needed to inject and the time for my body to process the insulin and regulate the blood sugar before the meal. For me at least was amazing news. Because I remember the times when I was asking about insulin pumps. I was always told I needed to be more regulated on my blood sugars, be like a hawk with my A1C , wich to me all the doctors that denied me the right to and insulin pump was letting me know i was never doing enough. But anyway, I felt the Drs never new or understood what it was like to have diabetes. None of the drs I had then were diabetic or any of such things. They just knew diabetes because school and all that shanenigans. But anyway, up until a few years ago, when I got the endocrinologist a different one, she and her team askd if I was a pump user I said I was not, and when the news came I was able to have an insulin pump and the dexcom. That was music to my ears! I was so exited that I was going to be using an insulin pump let alone the Dexcom thing I never new existed up until the endo explained to me what that was. I was so exited that I was finally able to be using one!

I was so happy that I was able to use some new technology for diabetes than what I was used to using. Making it easier for me to manage diabetes. Though I do not mind it pricking my fingers, to check my blood sugar, or using needles to inject insulin at all. Just amassed me how far technology has come for diabetes. I feel I am using a portable pancreas, that helps me correct blood sugars when needed, and the dexcom alerting me when I have a low or high blood sugar. It helps me know what steps i need to take next. Whether is to take a correction for the high or glucose for the low. I am glad i am able to use the technology I am. Other wise I do not know where I would be without it now. I am glad I get to use it since I feel lows when its a bit late. That’s not good, but I am happy I am able. 

Work & Blood Sugars…

     So, today while at work, my blood sugar went horribly low, or at least is how I felt it. Stupid low, it was at 44. Im glad I wasn’t on my own when it went that low, I had two security officers with me while I was doing my job. Im glad they where with me and I was able to get the help that I needed, such as getting me a cup of orange juice and a granola bar. I appreciate that so very much for the help and not letting me pass out with seizures. As well as calling someone that I work with to help me with what I needed help with. It was a dumb thing to do but somehow I needed help opening a door from an atm which is easy to do, but I needed some help opening the darn door, though Im glad I had someone helping me, even if it was just for that. 

    Letting people I work with that I have diabetes, it helps in many ways than others, such as them knowing if and when I may need the help. Or even if they ask me what my Dexcom or insulin pump is. I explain what it is for, some may ask what it is and that’s where I come in and explain what it is and such. I rather people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is used for. In some way I am teaching the person about my diabetes and what the thing on my arm is for along with the insulin pump just the in case they may work with someone like my self in the future.

    I am very happy that I work with people that even though some of them do not understand so much about the diabetes it self, they are willing to learn something here and there, and the ones who understand are willing to help even if is just to get me a cup of juice, candy or even just some damn water. I have an amazing group of people I work with that are remotely willing to help and understand or learn even just a little, I don’t know how I got so lucky in that sense. Im grateful even my manager is very understanding about such thing as well. 

The Price of Diabetes..

     So, recently I was pondering why is it that insulin a life saving drug for many of us is so stupidly expensive, when it cost merely pennies to make. Yet its to expensive to get, not only insulin but also other thins such as a glucose meter, test strips, glucose tablets, emergency kit aka Glucagon, etc. Such things why is it that they are expensive, expensive to the point that I have to almost decide whether if I want a roof over my head, food, and feed the dog, or life saving drug. 

    How is it that big pharma takes advantage of situation, who is it possible that a drug addict or alcoholic can have a small damn pill for free to “cure” them from such thing, and people like us who desperately need a life saving drug have to give up everything else only to have a life saving drug. Nothing against a person who is alcoholic, or addict I have nothing against them. But what I am against is why is it that they have everything for free such as narcan or whatever other meds to get them off from not overdosing or whatever, yet we have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for something that keeps us alive.

    There have been too many deaths from people not being able to afford their insulin and other necesities what we require to live another day. It is very sad that the government isn’t doing anything to help or at least bring down the prices for such life saving drug. Why is it that rehab places receive free things and are willing to help someone with such things such as drug addiction, alcoholism and such things but aren’t willing to help a person with diabetes and get them free supplies such as free testing supplies, such as glucose meters, test strips, finger prickers, glucose tablets and such to help them manage their blood sugars and such. As well as the why is it bills to treat a person with diabetes are so expensive to the point of no return yet for anyone else those kinds of bills aren’t as high. Or is it just me..

    I was told by my iunsurance company that they would not sell me supplies for my insulin pump or the dexcom only because they decided not to tell me about the charges the times I was ordering supplies from the pharmacy. Such bill went up to almost $3000 something I wasnt not able to afford to pay in months or so. Im poor and I’m barely able to pay for rent and insulin. Rent is expensive let alone diabetes supplies and insulin, something that keeps me alive another damn day. 

Let’s talk Diabetes…

     Oh how I remember somewhat when I got diagnosed with Diabetes T1, it felt scary I was unconscious like no tomorrow. But it felt scary, specially for my mom, though I was able to hear her cries for help and her hoping I would not die. It was really scary, I remember in elementary school, just one day, it was difficult to breath. I was using the restroom way too often, vomiting, feeling too angry and angsty for no reason at all. It was really scary, I remember my classmates telling my why I was breathing the way I was. I felt out of breath even sitting down I felt out of breath, running to the restroom every five minutes. 

    Then boom one night, I remember my mom and my step dad, trying to wake me up, because I had peed the bed. I remember I heard my mom screaming for my step dad, as well as she shaking me to wake up, because the whole mattress was wet in pee. I was not waking up, it felt like everything went black I was not able to recall anything at all others than my mom crying on my stepdads arms “No my daughter!! My daughter what is wrong with her!! Please wake her up, I do not want my baby to die!! What is wrong with her!!” My step dad trying to calm her down with a calm panic in his voice, I was 5-6 years old then my sister barely 1-2 years old. She was afraid I’m so sure of it seeing my mom in such a way, and my step dad trying to calm her down. It felt scary me being in a coma for quite a while. I can only imagine the desperation of my mom, how my sister felt seeing my mom in such a way and my step dad, trying to be strong for my mom and my sister. I remember an emergency room full of nurses, Dr’s and my mom scared thinking I wasn’t going to make it, my sister such a baby then not knowing what the heck was going on but afraid because how my mom felt. It was a thought time for all of us after my diagnosis, that I was going to be on a life saving drug for the rest of my life. It was and still is a damn difficult time to handle and manage diabetes. It is easier now to deal and manage it, yes just like may of you out there with diabetes, I have the difficult where no matter what I do it all goes wrong. I have those days where I just want to give it all up and not deal with diabetes anymore, when I want to send it all to hell. But I don’t because I don’t want my mom to suffer for loosing her daughter, because I didn’t want to fight diabetes anymore. 

    I love my mom enough to not make her suffer in such a way. I love her too much and then some to make her deal with my dumb crazy ass, to give her hell and then some. I want her to be angry at me for either being low or high and her getting mad at me for not treating the low or high sugar soon enough. I want to hear her asking me what are my symptoms when low or high. 

    Diabetes has been my very, VERY!! Odd the hell is wrong with you why are you so out of control today no matter what I do friend. I have had people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is it for, Ive had others think is a nicotine patch which is really fucking hilarious!! Let’s not talk about the insulin pump, I’ve had many people think is either a beeper or an iPod yea the kind that sends music to my pancreas so I don’t die!

    I remember when I was working at a convenience store a lady asked me what the Dexom and Pump was…my first thought that came to mind to tell her was “it means Im a Robot! Beep beep!” The face the lady gave me was all to hilarious to me!! Could not help but laugh! And the person I was working with that day just bursted laughing so hard out loud about my response. We did ended up explaining to her what it was for, and that I had diabetes and such. That was one of the funniest responses to me that I have ever told someone when they asked what they were and what I used them for.

Oh Diabetes! Oh why please tell me why!!

   Hey everyone!! It’s been forever I’ve been around here, in this neighborhood! How are you doing today? How are you really doing…

  Me? I’m doing okay managing and fighting Diabetes as always, just like you. There’s days where I just want to give it up, and not deal with diabetes at all. There’s times when I just want to tell Diabetes, ‘you know what son of a gun?? Why don’t you shove it up your behind and take care of your self and leave me alone!’ But I don’t because, I want to see, talk, walk my dog. Because he’s not going to know why I’m gone, or why I don’t walk him, and give him kisses and such. Because I want to see my mom, talk to her, argue with her, tell her I love her, and most of all!! I don’t want to make her suffer, because I didn’t take care of my self. She worries about me specially when my blood sugars go so low, it’s stupendously ridiculous to get it to go up some days. It’s so stubborn it won’t go up other days it gets ridiculously high! It won’t go down no matter how much insulin I shoot up.

  There’s days when it’s so perfect! It’s the most perfect line on the Dexcom! I want to party hard! That’s just some of the many reasons why I take care of it. As well because I don’t want to hear the “Why didn’t you ever care for your self!” Until they find out how difficult it is to deal with diabetes and how stupid it is day to day, 24/7/365. It is exhausting, overwhelming, mentally and physically and emotionally, difficult to deal with it, now living with it?? I’ve been doing this shit over 30yrs, I’ve lost so much sleep, I’ve cried, screamed, gotten angry on the why did it had to me! And not someone else, why me the fuck me!! And not the person who hunted that one child! But then I think about it and say to my self, ‘why the hell mot me!!’ I’ve dealt with Diabetes for so long! I may be able to help someone else that just got diagnosed with the ‘betes, I may be able to give them pointers how they can manage it, help that little kid, teenage, or even adult how they can. Even help that someone that knows a someone or a family member or friend who knows a friend, how they can help them. 

 I wear my Dwxcom and Insulin Pump, out in the open visible, and I’ve had many people ask me what it is and what is for. And I explain what’s it for and what it helps with and such. I like it when people ask me, I’ve even had other Type Ones flag their flags out, and giving the ‘hey look me to!! Now where besties! Hell yeah!!’ And I love it!

               Yours truly 

                                     VENUZHEY!

Work Stress and Blood Sugars

    That last few weeks my blood sugars have been dropping so low to the point I’ve had to call 911 on my self and call off work, because it’s been a crazy stressful few weeks. My blood sugars have dropped at work even, to the point the manager/s had needed to call the emts but they don’t. They just leave me to my own devices, and as you all know when your blood sugars drops your not your self and you need assistance from someone right? 

    But no, I don’t get any at work, it has been horrible for me, not getting the assistance that I need/require at all. That’s not okay. At work I do not expect anyone to understand diabetes or know how it feels like, but wouldn’t you think management would at least call someone to assist when in dire need one of their employees needs it? That’s the least they could do wouldn’t you think? Not at my work place, and that’s it to mention they force me to go back to work, and get everything done when I don’t even feel okay. Not to mention they don’t even ask if I’m even okay at all. I’ve had to walk out of work, because of y blood sugars being so low. 

   I’ve been looking for another job lately on the downlow of it all. I do not want to keep on being overworked at all when my health is being jeopardized. That’s not okay.

Diabetes at work…

   It’s been so long I’ve post anything here, I feel like I’ve been too lazy and obviously busy with work just like everyone else around here. If I could make this my job writing about diabetes all the time from personal experience and all I so would, but I think I’d get some type of burnout or something like that. But other than that everything good but not so good. 

   Lately I’ve been having to call off work that  I’m not able to show up because either I’ve had a severe low on the verge of seizing or after having a damn seizure that I’ve had to all the ambulance on my self. I honestly do not know how I’m even able to do it or have the strength to do it, but somehow I do. At times like that, I feel like SuperWoman and Wonder Woman all in one. Being my own hero at the worse and best of times. Like anyone of us, specifically when you live alone with a small chihuahua with a heart murmur who’s a rescue. I love that darn dog so much. 

   Anyway, getting off track here, as I mentioned before I’ve had to call off work many times before because of diabetes. Any of you that read my blogs and are type ones or two’s more specifically ones, you know how the hell it feels when your blood sugar goes down so much, you or someone has had to call the ambulance while or after having a seizure. It does not feel so good you feel like shit, or at least I do. I feel weak, that I all I want to do is stay in bed, all day. At that point I don’t even think about work.

  Sometime last week/week and a half or so, I was at work as I worker the night shift, I don’t exactly remember what time it was, I remember I had asked my manager on shift if I was able to get one of the cookies we sell as I work in a foodcourt restaurant inside a casino, that’s was going to pay for it as soon as I was able to. So he was able to give me some brownie chips or some shit. Mind you I was drinking soda like stupid, it felt like that wasn’t working because next thing I know, I didn’t know where I was. I had gone for a restroom break, at that time, I was trying to tie the apron but I was having a difficult time, as if I’d forgotten how to tie the apron, something simple that any is able to do. But at that time I’d forgotten how to do it. Next thing I know I was at the restaurant, one of my coworkers was talking to me and from what I remember, they said I needed to prep something for them, then next thing I know I was grabbing my things and  walked out of work like nothing. It all did but didn’t looked familiar, in the moment it felt like I didn’t belong there at all. After that I don’t really remember much other than walking, next thing I know I was at the bus stop where I take the bus to go home. That’s when my manager messaged me where I was. I apologized and said to him I was low in my blood department, that wasn’t feeling too well. I felt like shit walking out without a word, just like that. 

   And yesterday waking up from a nap, my blood sugar was at 30, i just woke up scared that I wasn’t boto wakes in time to take the dog out on his walk for his business. Poor thing saved me somehow, he just did what he needed to do and looks at me like, ‘ok I’m done let’s go home, you no good hooman’ I don’t know why I had to call my mom to tell her though, I FaceTimed her, so she knew I was well even though not fully there. Yes I ate PB&J sandwich and juice before calling her…I’m okay now, I’m just glad it didn’t went to serious matters, which I’m really happy for.

Alright guys that is it for today! If you guys like comment anything you’d like me to talk bout next and subscribe to keep an eye out for the next post.

                                        Piece & Love, Venuz

Diabetes Oh Diabetes....

  Hey everyone! How's everyone doing so far. Me not too good not too bad! I know I know I haven't been here for too long! My apologies been busy with work and trying to do the best on managing my damn Diabetes. That's all I can do right?? But anyway! Lets get on to what I came here for.

  Oh goodness gracious!! The last past few days has been stupid and crazy! Why you may ask?? Is because while I've been nosy on my facebook page, I've read and noticed that sometime yesterday a family lost their 10yr old daughter while she was at a sleep over with a friend. During the night I am guessing her blood sugar went too low that she was unresponsive by the next morning. With some brain damange. I can only imagine how the family is feeling at the moment for their lost of their baby girl. It is sad that many people are losing the battle against diabetes. Because their blood sugar may drop too low to a critical condition or it could sky rocket too high that in both cases the person or the child does not ever wake up or is just to the point of getting there to the point of no return. Other cases is that most cases than not a Diabetic specially a Type 1 is not able to afford their life support (insulin) which is not okay at all. Here in the United States the damn fucking prices are skyrocketing that we are not able to afford out life support that keeps us alive for the next few days until we can figure out how we are able to afford the next moths supply of our life support. I don't think is fair for no one that has Type 1 Diabetes including my self that we are not able to afford the medication that keeps us alive, our life fucking support until the next "five years" they wont discover a fucking cure for this shit. It isn't fair that they Big Pharma just keeps raising the fucking prices and they make money of us that need that life support drug that keep us alive. How is that any fair for any of us that can barely afford that shit. Any one tell me please how is that fair that while Big Pharma makes money off insulin we Diabetics are losing our life because we cant afford that. Makes me so fucking upset that I see many including my self that can barely afford Insulin have to die one way or another because they just decide to make money of us. They are killing us, they just don't care what happens just as long as they make the money and we lose our life because of that. It is not fair,
  How and when did it went so high on the prices from a vial of insulin from $30-$40 per vial up to $500's to the high $1,000's this is all so ridiculous!! I don't see how is that any fair. Now as a Type 1 Diabetic my self I always do the best that I can to control my blood sugar levels as much as I can. Which can be difficult at times yes, any Type 1 can tell you that. Some days are great but others aren't so great at all. Yes it is difficult but I do my best to try and control it as much as I can.

  Sorry for all this rambling I made about all of this. But this is all to crazy, with high prices on insulin the life support for every Type 1 Diabetic, and many dying for whatever reason. This is not okay at all. Just makes me wonder how many people have to lose their life doe do Diabetes complications or because we cant afford the medication we need to survive.

Diabetes talk anyone??

  Hey everyone!! Is been so long I have been on here, been busy lately but now I have more time to post on here. Anyway! I've been thinking lately about how diabetes has affected my life in many ways yet made it better in other ways as well. The past few days I've experienced lows to the point I wasn't feeling half of my body. Which is not good at all and I do not know why or how that comes. It scares me that some days I'm not gonna wake up one of these days. No I'm not saying that I do not take care of my self because I do in so many ways than others and some people think I am not doing so just because I've experienced lows or highs for so many days in a row. How does that translate that I am not taking care of my self what so ever. Why can any one see how hard I try to take care of my self. How is it possible that everyone sees the bad but not the good I've done for my self. It makes me feel like I am not trying or doing my best at all, and it makes me feel like shit. Living with Diabetes is hard and stupid enough for others to tell me I am not doing my best enough to deal with Diabetes every day that I get scared I will not wake up one of these days at all. I feel like shit already just having Diabetes and dealing with it for people telling me I am not doing the best I can or that is not good enough what I do. Weather I do my best or not to manage my diabetes seems like is never enough to someone else.
   I am honestly scared that one day I will not wake up at all, and I do not ever want that to happen and hurt my family because of that. I hate having diabetes and dealing with it 24/7/365 its difficult dealing and managing it all the time. Some days I want to give it up but I don't because I want to see my loved ones one more time/day.

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

How I feel having Diabetes Type 1......

   So it's about 4:30am....wee hours of the night early hours of the morning. I was about to go to bed when I started thinking about my life having Diabetes. It's difficult yes the majority of the time, because I want to give it all up and live my life as a "normal" person without having to worry about carb counting, or pricking my fingers nor I want to inject insulin every so often a day. Nor I like feeling the way I feel when my blood sugars drop so low or  go sky high. It is not a damn good fucking feeling. Yes I do feel depressed and disgusted about it because I never asked to have this life as a diabetic at all. It was given to me without asking for it. I hate it I feel disgusted living like that.
   I even cry because why did I have to be diagnosed with Diabetes at such a young age. I get scared on the what if I don't wake up, what if I don't make it to be an old lady, just the what if's that I don't get to do anymore. What if I end up in the hospital one last time and I never get to come out of there anymore. I don't what to be afraid for my life anymore, I don't want to have to worry about my blood sugars nor doing anything at all that I do now as a Diabetic. I don't want my family to worry about me or how my blood sugars are anymore. Yes I fucking have being a diabetic so bad, I despise it so bad. I often as my self what did I ever do to be a diabetic. Was I such that bad of a person that now in this life I got diagnosed with diabetes at such a young age??? I often wonder why did it had to be me and not someone else that is able to afford this fucking life. I can barely buy my self a damn soda when it drops, how the fuck am I supposed to afford a $900ish something insulin to keep me alive for a month. I cant afford being a diabetic, neither does anyone else. Its too expensive, fucking scientists make profit while we barely can afford a damn drop of insulin, half a strip, a barely new meter, and any other things that we may need to survive another second.
   How is this fair for any diabetic. How come there is a cure for everything else but diabetes. How come its too difficult to find a cure for diabetes but easy to make newer insulin and newer products for diabetes that cost a lot more, but so hard to find a cure for diabetes that will most likely cost a lot less. I don't want to be afraid for my life anymore, I do not want to have to worry about how many carbs I ate nor I want to prick my fingers or inject or do anything else diabetes related. I just want to live like a normal person without diabetes and not have to worry about it ever again in my life. I want to live a diabetes free life. How hard is that to ask, that I want a cure for diabetes. I don't think is that difficult at all.

Love Venuz <3 <3 <3

Diabetes & Hospital!

   Hi everyone once again!! After so long, Ive been okay though just a bit stressed lately because I lost my job for dumb reasons. The day after or morning after I shall say, my roommates had to call the ambulance because my blood sugar was way low, that my body was stiff and I could not move any of my body limbs at all, I could not even talk, and it felt so frustrating. Not being able to move or speak at all. I was just glad that there was someone at home when that happened. It is not pretty feeling, if you are a diabetic you know what I am talking about if it ever has happened to you.
    It is not easy being a diabetic at all, but I my self try to make the best of it every day. I hate being a diabetic, I hate the day that I became a diabetic, but it happened and had to happen. Why? I don't know, but it did maybe I was strong and still am strong enough to deal with it. But I hate it so, so much, there is times I ask why did I had to get diabetes, why did I had to be the one getting it and no one else but me. WWHHHYYY!! I just do not understand why I had to be the one getting it and not anyone else. But hey maybe I got lucky being a diabetic right?? Because Im just that sweet that bees don't even want to get close or prick me at all. Trust me to me being a diabetic is just to damn frustrating, tiering, sickening and just plain stupid. Having diabetes a desease that will never have a cure probably. I personally am tiered having to prick my fingers, inject a damn medication, and do everything else that I got to do along with it. Its sickening, its stupid, its tiering, and anything else that  you want. I hate it but Im lucky at the same time, how?? I don't know but I am in a way.

Experiencing a Diabetic Seizure...

  Hi! Long time no talk!....Today I wanted to talk about few of my experiences, when I have been really low to the point I have seizures.
  So usually I feel when I am low, check my sugars and I have a couple of glucose tablets, wait a few minutes to somewhat stabilize, then I get something such as a PB&J and a small glass of juice or something as such. That is typically when I am alone and what now, thank goodness I have my cat Mr. Coffee that stays by my side, in those times though it may seem like he does not care but he does. Usually lets me know few minutes before I have the symptoms. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night with a low, my cat wakes me up which is funny I didn't think my cat would do such a thing since I live alone at the moment. I am very happy that I have a pet that helps me in such ways. :) Anyway, in some way that is kinda funny yet weird at the same time, and call it what you will, but in some ways I think my diabetic subconscious knows when I am with someone and lows show up at the weirdest of times. Because when I am asleep I usually wake up and shove everything that gets to be in front of me to my face. But when my subconscious knows there is someone with me that is able to help me when my sugar gets low that is when it decides to just drop low to the darn ground and my body decides to have a seizure, to the point 911 has to be called and at least two ambulances, three fire trucks and five cop cars get to the scene, which is funny because my diabetes decided to have a damn moment, and all of a sudden my house is filled with all them sexy people to my rescue making sure I do not die! I am just happy that happens and when I get to see them all my blood sugar stabilizes but drops again because of all the excitement. XD
  Don't give me wrong I love it when they all surround me trying to not let me go, but it gets tiredly frustrating that all those fireman, paramedics and cops that you saw three days ago are there again, and again and again. That they already know you by name, your exact location and everything else in between that they all make sure to stay close by just incase your diabetes decides to go all crazy wack on you again same rutine from two days ago, and them telling you the same darn think, and you try your best to not let it happen again but decides at the worse times to do it all over again. Which is not a nice feeling to experience that you are thinking to get your self hospitalized for few weeks to see what is going on with your darn self, or maybe is because your pancreas or whatever decided to not work with you for that long. That you decide in some way to give it all up, but not all the way because you know as much as you try nothing seems to be working at all.
  You don't give up on this battle though because you desperately want to win so bad, and feel glorious that you are doing something right because you wake up the next day alive, knowing that you will be alive one more day and be the best you are and the awesome hero that you are. Because in someones eyeballs you are the person that showed them to never give up including your beautiful fury children. Because without you they would be hungry and yea.....Anyway, don't ever give up on this battle that you are fighting because in someones eyes even an animal, you are a superhero! <3

Jupiter <3 <3

Diabetes something

  Hey everyone! I know is been such a long time I have been here...anyway! Lately with my blood sugars has been crazy! With the ups and downs and everything else in between. But anyway lately I have read many good articles about diabetes and what other new devises are coming out and what not. Which is great don't give me wrong, another "great" device coming out for Diabetes and people with Diabetes and what not awesome. But why is it that every five years or so there is always a new devise coming out rather than coming out with a damn fucking cure for the fucking diabetes! Every single person with diabetes has been waiting for a damn cure but all we get is just another retarded devise that will apparently will help us so little for so much money. Diabetes supplies and everything else are too costly and damn expensive. I can barely afford a bottle of 100 strips, a couple of insulin pens, the pen needles and any extra shit that needs to go a long with this other shit that I bought just to keep my dang self alive for another few hours or so. So why is it that companies are coming with new devises that are going to be twice as expensive as the last two that came out just 3 months ago.
  Why is it that we cannot get a fucking cure, like the cancer patines, I mean I do not have nothing against them at all whatsoever, but some of them have it easy that they get cured and in hopes to be cancer free and live an awesome cancer free life, or any other chronic deseases that do have a cure. So why cant we diabetics have a fucking cure that will make us diabetic free for few days, months years or whatever the fuck. Why cannot we have that at all. So to you all that are not diabetic, and that are ignorant and stupid about diabetes and that do not understand diabetes at all. Do you ever know what it is like to have to be strong enough for this shit?? Do you know what is like to be worried about what your next blood sugar level will be?? To have to be worried if you even will wake up the next morning, or even make it out of a low or high?? do you know how it feels like when someone tells you how you should handle your shit and not even know what is like to have it?? Do you even think it is easy that easy to have diabetes like you think it is?? No you do not, you do not even know how much money is waisted on something we only use once for a blood sugar test, for one injection, for one anything. Having to worry if we will have money for one more strip, for one more needle, for one more anything.
  There is times our fingers don't even want to bleed, and are so damn sore for pricking way to many times a day. Diabetes IS a damn job we do not get paid for, nor get vacations from, where we get nothing but stress and worry about our next purchase for our shit we need to use to treat this damn thing and keep our selves alive for the next time we have to prick a finger to the next blood glucose test.
  Yes I am fighting a battle that no one knows about, I am strong enough to handle this shit, to be alive to give my family and boyfriend a hard time. I do not give up because I have a cat to take care of and a family that loves me and would hate to see me gone and not be around to argue with anymore.
  Diabetes is a difficult thing to deal with on a daily basis.

Jupiter<3

Public Diabetes Display (PDD)

   So, I want to talk about when my self having diabetes and when I go out there have been times, where I have the need to check my blood sugar and take insulin shots. When I go out to eat with family and/or friends there has been times where I do it. Usually when I do that I get random looks from strangers as they were thinking "what is she doing, why is she not in the restroom doing that, ew" or "why is she doing such a thing as getting high". I have the feeling that people do that but hey when you got to do that why not right?

   There was one time though where I heard someone say behind me something along the line "she is getting high why would she be doing that in public and all" so I went over to tell her the reason why I was doing such thing. Friends that know that I have diabetes and obviously my family don't seem to mind so much that I check my blood sugar in front of them, they just kind of ignore it. Since they know I have to do it, but at times I tend to get asked if it hurts and how I am able to deal with such thing and what not. They also say that they would not be able to do such a thing because they are scared of needles or what not. That is when I come in and tell them that if I not do it I will end up in the hospital, or just dying. Yes it hurts at times pricking my fingers or injecting insulin, it sometimes burns, but hey is either I deal with the burning sensation of insulin and pricking fingers or I wont last for another day or for the next few hours or what not.

   Yes it is hard to deal with diabetes on a daily basis, and there has been times I just don't want to deal with it but I think to my self, why not deal with it and live another day to talk to my family and friends even if it's to give them a hard time and some hell here and there. So to the people that stare at someone pricking their finger and injecting insulin, don't stare like we are some maniacs or some crazy people getting high in public. Maybe you should take the time and ask what they are doing and if you see them not looking okay ask if they need some kind of help, do not be ignorant if they tell you they have diabetes or whatever else they may have. Because you do not know what challenges they may be taking just to be alive for few more hours. Some of us may have certain amount of time to live and we our selves may not know it and all we are trying to do is live another day. Do not be telling us what we should or should not do. We are the ones that know more of our diabetes than our Doctors do. We are able to eat anything you are able to eat but with moderation. It is nothing out of the world. We are not aliens we are not some type of weird freak either. We are our own hero, that can save our self. All we want is just a dang cure so we don't have to deal with it any more, why?? Because you do not how hard it is to have to deal with diabetes 24/7/365. If you want to know how to help a person with diabetes just ask them, and we will be able to help you. Each person with diabetes deals with it in a different way, a persons diabetes is different from someone else's diabetes. There is days my diabetes is such a roller coaster, one minute it could be just fine but thirty (30) mutes later it could be hight that I am way to sweet, and I am not my self, the next hour or so it
could be low to the ground and I don't know what I'm doing

and I could not even know who I am at times or where I am or any of that. I may start eating anything and everything that comes to hand and is reachable. It is not a pretty feeling either way. From my experience from being a diabetic for 19+ I can tell you that at times I wish I didn't have diabetes at all, I wish I was a "normal" person. Yes there is times I ask my self what did I do wrong to end up being diagnosed with diabetes at such young age of seven (7). But then again I tell my self my immune system just screwed up and decided to attack my well functioning pancreas and give me this life sentence, that I did not wish for at all, not even on my dreams did I wish to have it. All I know is that I am a well strong person that can handle it and knows how to deal with it. Yes there is times it all just goes wrong. But hey that's what comes with it right??


To any of you who are dealing with diabetes or just got diagnosed with diabetes I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out there, you just got to go find them and talk to someone that could and will understand your struggle that you are going through. Yes it is not easy at all, but I know you can over come it and be a hero to someone, and show them how much of a badass you are kicking Diabetes ass.


Jupiter <3 <3

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