Work & Blood Sugars…

     So, today while at work, my blood sugar went horribly low, or at least is how I felt it. Stupid low, it was at 44. Im glad I wasn’t on my own when it went that low, I had two security officers with me while I was doing my job. Im glad they where with me and I was able to get the help that I needed, such as getting me a cup of orange juice and a granola bar. I appreciate that so very much for the help and not letting me pass out with seizures. As well as calling someone that I work with to help me with what I needed help with. It was a dumb thing to do but somehow I needed help opening a door from an atm which is easy to do, but I needed some help opening the darn door, though Im glad I had someone helping me, even if it was just for that. 

    Letting people I work with that I have diabetes, it helps in many ways than others, such as them knowing if and when I may need the help. Or even if they ask me what my Dexcom or insulin pump is. I explain what it is for, some may ask what it is and that’s where I come in and explain what it is and such. I rather people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is used for. In some way I am teaching the person about my diabetes and what the thing on my arm is for along with the insulin pump just the in case they may work with someone like my self in the future.

    I am very happy that I work with people that even though some of them do not understand so much about the diabetes it self, they are willing to learn something here and there, and the ones who understand are willing to help even if is just to get me a cup of juice, candy or even just some damn water. I have an amazing group of people I work with that are remotely willing to help and understand or learn even just a little, I don’t know how I got so lucky in that sense. Im grateful even my manager is very understanding about such thing as well. 

The Price of Diabetes..

     So, recently I was pondering why is it that insulin a life saving drug for many of us is so stupidly expensive, when it cost merely pennies to make. Yet its to expensive to get, not only insulin but also other thins such as a glucose meter, test strips, glucose tablets, emergency kit aka Glucagon, etc. Such things why is it that they are expensive, expensive to the point that I have to almost decide whether if I want a roof over my head, food, and feed the dog, or life saving drug. 

    How is it that big pharma takes advantage of situation, who is it possible that a drug addict or alcoholic can have a small damn pill for free to “cure” them from such thing, and people like us who desperately need a life saving drug have to give up everything else only to have a life saving drug. Nothing against a person who is alcoholic, or addict I have nothing against them. But what I am against is why is it that they have everything for free such as narcan or whatever other meds to get them off from not overdosing or whatever, yet we have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for something that keeps us alive.

    There have been too many deaths from people not being able to afford their insulin and other necesities what we require to live another day. It is very sad that the government isn’t doing anything to help or at least bring down the prices for such life saving drug. Why is it that rehab places receive free things and are willing to help someone with such things such as drug addiction, alcoholism and such things but aren’t willing to help a person with diabetes and get them free supplies such as free testing supplies, such as glucose meters, test strips, finger prickers, glucose tablets and such to help them manage their blood sugars and such. As well as the why is it bills to treat a person with diabetes are so expensive to the point of no return yet for anyone else those kinds of bills aren’t as high. Or is it just me..

    I was told by my iunsurance company that they would not sell me supplies for my insulin pump or the dexcom only because they decided not to tell me about the charges the times I was ordering supplies from the pharmacy. Such bill went up to almost $3000 something I wasnt not able to afford to pay in months or so. Im poor and I’m barely able to pay for rent and insulin. Rent is expensive let alone diabetes supplies and insulin, something that keeps me alive another damn day. 

Let’s talk Diabetes…

     Oh how I remember somewhat when I got diagnosed with Diabetes T1, it felt scary I was unconscious like no tomorrow. But it felt scary, specially for my mom, though I was able to hear her cries for help and her hoping I would not die. It was really scary, I remember in elementary school, just one day, it was difficult to breath. I was using the restroom way too often, vomiting, feeling too angry and angsty for no reason at all. It was really scary, I remember my classmates telling my why I was breathing the way I was. I felt out of breath even sitting down I felt out of breath, running to the restroom every five minutes. 

    Then boom one night, I remember my mom and my step dad, trying to wake me up, because I had peed the bed. I remember I heard my mom screaming for my step dad, as well as she shaking me to wake up, because the whole mattress was wet in pee. I was not waking up, it felt like everything went black I was not able to recall anything at all others than my mom crying on my stepdads arms “No my daughter!! My daughter what is wrong with her!! Please wake her up, I do not want my baby to die!! What is wrong with her!!” My step dad trying to calm her down with a calm panic in his voice, I was 5-6 years old then my sister barely 1-2 years old. She was afraid I’m so sure of it seeing my mom in such a way, and my step dad trying to calm her down. It felt scary me being in a coma for quite a while. I can only imagine the desperation of my mom, how my sister felt seeing my mom in such a way and my step dad, trying to be strong for my mom and my sister. I remember an emergency room full of nurses, Dr’s and my mom scared thinking I wasn’t going to make it, my sister such a baby then not knowing what the heck was going on but afraid because how my mom felt. It was a thought time for all of us after my diagnosis, that I was going to be on a life saving drug for the rest of my life. It was and still is a damn difficult time to handle and manage diabetes. It is easier now to deal and manage it, yes just like may of you out there with diabetes, I have the difficult where no matter what I do it all goes wrong. I have those days where I just want to give it all up and not deal with diabetes anymore, when I want to send it all to hell. But I don’t because I don’t want my mom to suffer for loosing her daughter, because I didn’t want to fight diabetes anymore. 

    I love my mom enough to not make her suffer in such a way. I love her too much and then some to make her deal with my dumb crazy ass, to give her hell and then some. I want her to be angry at me for either being low or high and her getting mad at me for not treating the low or high sugar soon enough. I want to hear her asking me what are my symptoms when low or high. 

    Diabetes has been my very, VERY!! Odd the hell is wrong with you why are you so out of control today no matter what I do friend. I have had people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is it for, Ive had others think is a nicotine patch which is really fucking hilarious!! Let’s not talk about the insulin pump, I’ve had many people think is either a beeper or an iPod yea the kind that sends music to my pancreas so I don’t die!

    I remember when I was working at a convenience store a lady asked me what the Dexom and Pump was…my first thought that came to mind to tell her was “it means Im a Robot! Beep beep!” The face the lady gave me was all to hilarious to me!! Could not help but laugh! And the person I was working with that day just bursted laughing so hard out loud about my response. We did ended up explaining to her what it was for, and that I had diabetes and such. That was one of the funniest responses to me that I have ever told someone when they asked what they were and what I used them for.

Diabetes talk anyone??

  Hey everyone!! Is been so long I have been on here, been busy lately but now I have more time to post on here. Anyway! I've been thinking lately about how diabetes has affected my life in many ways yet made it better in other ways as well. The past few days I've experienced lows to the point I wasn't feeling half of my body. Which is not good at all and I do not know why or how that comes. It scares me that some days I'm not gonna wake up one of these days. No I'm not saying that I do not take care of my self because I do in so many ways than others and some people think I am not doing so just because I've experienced lows or highs for so many days in a row. How does that translate that I am not taking care of my self what so ever. Why can any one see how hard I try to take care of my self. How is it possible that everyone sees the bad but not the good I've done for my self. It makes me feel like I am not trying or doing my best at all, and it makes me feel like shit. Living with Diabetes is hard and stupid enough for others to tell me I am not doing my best enough to deal with Diabetes every day that I get scared I will not wake up one of these days at all. I feel like shit already just having Diabetes and dealing with it for people telling me I am not doing the best I can or that is not good enough what I do. Weather I do my best or not to manage my diabetes seems like is never enough to someone else.
   I am honestly scared that one day I will not wake up at all, and I do not ever want that to happen and hurt my family because of that. I hate having diabetes and dealing with it 24/7/365 its difficult dealing and managing it all the time. Some days I want to give it up but I don't because I want to see my loved ones one more time/day.

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

Diabetes and I

   Diabetes don't bother me at all but you know?? There are days or times where I just feel like I am living a dream with a chronic desease called Diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was about six or seven  years old, at the time everything was just new to me and my family, following a "rigid" diet where my mom would not let me eat sweets such as soda, candy, or any of that stuff. It was difficult for me and of course my family too. Having to constantly prick my fingers to check my blood sugar and up to eight infections a day just to stabilize my glucose. 

   At times when I am checking my blood sugar it just feels so unreal, as if it were not me doing such thing, or when I inject the insulin before every meal. It just all seems like such a lie, as if it were somebody else in my body doing all of this. I get frustrated, angry and said and I constantly ask my self why do I have to deal with such thing. Why can I not have diabetes at all, it just all makes me so angry at my self, sad, depressed, and everything in between. There is times I just cant help it but burst in tears and ask my self if I did anything to have diabetes at all, and if I could had done something different I would not have it. Yes there is days that I feel sorry for my self when I shouldn't, I fight this battle on having to deal with diabetes. It is a daily battle dealing with all of this. There is days/times when I just don't want to deal with my diabetes and I want to give it all up have something happen. I just don't do so because I know my family will miss me even friends and my pet. 

   This battle against diabetes is so difficult and at times it feels as if no one understands how I feel inside. Pricking my fingers to have at least a tiny speckle of blood to check my blood sugar, and having to inject so much of insulin so it all stays stable and not end up in the hospital. Having diabetes is not ok at all, because everything you have to do and battle against. People being so ignorant about diabetes and thinking they know more than you do when you are the one dealing with it every single day at all hours, minutes, and seconds of everyday.  I really DO NOT I repeat DO NOT wish on someone to have diabetes at all whatsoever. 

   I remember when I was newly diagnosed it hurted to prick my fingers and the burning sensation whenever I had to give my self shots. It was the hardest thing in the world and it still is, because there is times or days or whatever that you do not know what to do about it, or you just want to give up but you just don't because you want to live another day, just to see or talk to friends and family, go out on a walk with your dog or wanting to ride your bicycle or something. I wish I never would have diabetes at all. I know it was not my fault having diabetes but it feels like it all was my fault, that maybe I could have had done something different maybe I would never have diabetes at all. 

   There is days like I say I feel angry, sad, depressed and everything in between because of my diabetes. 

P.S. The video above is not me, is something I found on youtube.

Jupiter <3 <3

Diabetes is Wacked......(Hospital Bed)

Last night something happened to me.. I was at my neighbors house right? It was all right and everything okay, till all of a sudden my Diabetes/Blood Sugar went all waked on me. My blood sugar was on the 100's but it felt,as if it was low or something. I felt scared, as if I was dead or something. It was and still is a scary feeling, it all felt like a dream. Felt like I was a goner, and couldn't do anything about it. Then they take me to some damn room to scan my head?!?! What the hell!!! I as well fell like some weird robot from all the crap they sticked on me. Anyway! I am not dead!! �� ��

Diabetes Roller Coaster Ride (HI's & LO's)

When my blood sugar gets low there's times I feel retarded, confused and too lazy. There are times that it feels like if I'm high on something. There's times too I feel lost I don't know where I am. The times that my I have seizures because of my low blood sugars half my body feels paralyzed I can't move it right, and when I try to walk I end up falling because my body it's just not right half of it and it really does not feel good, it really doesn't. It makes me feel like I'm not doing something right. When my blood sugar is high it feels weird too. I hate it because every five minutes I'm in the restroom. It's not good and I can't do nothing. And of course I lose weight the fast way. There's times I feel like throwing up, which I have had in the past and ended up in the hospital with DKA and shit. Thinking to my self, I could have died but didn't. Maybe I'm just lucky. That nothing worse has had happened. Everytime that my blood sugar is high and lose a few pounds I gain it all back when my blood sugar is low. It's stupid. When I get sick because of my blood sugar being high or low it makes me feel like I'm not doing anything right. I know I'm doing the best I can, but it makes me feel that way because you know the damn Dr.'s always tell you, you aren't doing nothing help you're damn self and it's your fault your blood sugars are always a damn fucking roller coaster. That pisses me off because they don't understand what I do and what I go trough on the daily basis to keep my self alive. ��

Diabetes & S**t

Okay so I was browsing trough the internet about D you know and I came to find many things but what caught my eye in some way was/is. How come we Diabetics are "forced" or mandated to follow a damn diet or ruled WHAT TO or WHAT NOT TO eat at all. That's just stood in my opinion. Were people like anyone else who want to and are supposed to eat whatever we want. Why should I as a Diabetic deprive my self from eating something I want to eat or like to eat just because the dang Dr. and his/her minions and other people say and think we shouldn't eat that.  If wanna eat it and they tell me no HECK THAT I WILL eat it 2x and in front of their faces just because she/he said no to me. Just to piss them off and say "you see what happens when you tell me I can't or shouldn't eat that?!" Yea maybe I'm a crazy girl with Diabetes Type (DT1) that does what she wants but what I dislike the most I'd when I get told I shouldn't. Another thing to, that I get told. That I "should" eat at the same times everyday. But no I don't eat at the same times everyday because I don't feel like it and because people keep telling me the same s**t over and over again. And it's None-Diabetics ALWAYS!! What do they know about my Diabetes out just Diabetes in general. NOTHING!! Maybe the None-Diabetics should just shut it because they just should. I will keep asking what I want and eating what I WANT because I CAN!! And do it in front of the people specially Dr.'s that told me not to because yes! And to make them angry and you all know what I mean right?? Just a small rant about Diabetes and shit. 

�� Jupiter

Diabetes is not easy.... EVER!!

Don't you hate when people tell you and think they know more about your Diabetes than you or just Diabetes in general?! It angers me a lot, because is like they do not know what's like to deal with it in the daily basis 24/7 at all. They do know know nothing, yet they say they do and try to make you do things or what not because what you do is not okay or it's not what a Diabetic should do. The Dr.'s don't know what we do our struggle with just to keep our sugar level okay or or at least on a "normal" range at all. No body knows our efforts more than us yet we get told we are not doing it right. Or that the things we do are wrong that we should do it the way they tell us. But guess what Dr. dude!! You ain't the diabetic one here I AM!! What bugs me about the people I tell that I'm Diabetic, it's that they think that know more than me, or that they are experts in that just because their whom ever family member has it. But just because they know someone that has Diabetes does not mean they know more than me or them. Many people say to me "oh you should not be eating this or you should not eating that but eat this instead is better for you." That bothers me a lot. Just because I got the D does not mean I can't eat nothing. I'm just a normal person that is able to eat what ever the hell she wants as much as I WANT WHEN I WANT because I FUCKING CAN!!!! I'll just give my self the whole bottle of insulin if I have to. To me at least most times it is difficult having to deal with my Diabetes because having to prick my fingers so many times a day, and having to inject insulin everyday 24/7 just to keep my self alive it is difficult! To the point I don't want to do it at all anymore. There's times I just want to give up having to check my blood sugar and injecting because it's just to much, I feel like its to much at times. Dealing with Diabetes is to much work, why don't I get paid for it already. There is days I cry because I have Diabetes and I ask my self why, why me why do I have to deal with it, but then I think to my self why NOT me. Because if it were someone else with Diabetes they would not know how to deal with it like I do, in the ways I deal with it. You know what keeps me going dealing with my Diabetes?? What keeps me going is that I want to keep giving hell to my family, and ex boyfriend and maybe because I want to be the next Million Dollar Baby. Though I know that'll never happen but I just want to keep my hopes up for that, or maybe become a badass Lawyer that never losses like the Kardashian dude with the O.J. Simpson case. Well, that's me dealing with Diabetes, and ranting about people and Dr.'s that don't know about Diabetes like I do. 

Jupiter <3 <3