How I feel having Diabetes Type 1......

   So it's about 4:30am....wee hours of the night early hours of the morning. I was about to go to bed when I started thinking about my life having Diabetes. It's difficult yes the majority of the time, because I want to give it all up and live my life as a "normal" person without having to worry about carb counting, or pricking my fingers nor I want to inject insulin every so often a day. Nor I like feeling the way I feel when my blood sugars drop so low or  go sky high. It is not a damn good fucking feeling. Yes I do feel depressed and disgusted about it because I never asked to have this life as a diabetic at all. It was given to me without asking for it. I hate it I feel disgusted living like that.
   I even cry because why did I have to be diagnosed with Diabetes at such a young age. I get scared on the what if I don't wake up, what if I don't make it to be an old lady, just the what if's that I don't get to do anymore. What if I end up in the hospital one last time and I never get to come out of there anymore. I don't what to be afraid for my life anymore, I don't want to have to worry about my blood sugars nor doing anything at all that I do now as a Diabetic. I don't want my family to worry about me or how my blood sugars are anymore. Yes I fucking have being a diabetic so bad, I despise it so bad. I often as my self what did I ever do to be a diabetic. Was I such that bad of a person that now in this life I got diagnosed with diabetes at such a young age??? I often wonder why did it had to be me and not someone else that is able to afford this fucking life. I can barely buy my self a damn soda when it drops, how the fuck am I supposed to afford a $900ish something insulin to keep me alive for a month. I cant afford being a diabetic, neither does anyone else. Its too expensive, fucking scientists make profit while we barely can afford a damn drop of insulin, half a strip, a barely new meter, and any other things that we may need to survive another second.
   How is this fair for any diabetic. How come there is a cure for everything else but diabetes. How come its too difficult to find a cure for diabetes but easy to make newer insulin and newer products for diabetes that cost a lot more, but so hard to find a cure for diabetes that will most likely cost a lot less. I don't want to be afraid for my life anymore, I do not want to have to worry about how many carbs I ate nor I want to prick my fingers or inject or do anything else diabetes related. I just want to live like a normal person without diabetes and not have to worry about it ever again in my life. I want to live a diabetes free life. How hard is that to ask, that I want a cure for diabetes. I don't think is that difficult at all.

Love Venuz <3 <3 <3