Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

How I feel having Diabetes Type 1......

   So it's about 4:30am....wee hours of the night early hours of the morning. I was about to go to bed when I started thinking about my life having Diabetes. It's difficult yes the majority of the time, because I want to give it all up and live my life as a "normal" person without having to worry about carb counting, or pricking my fingers nor I want to inject insulin every so often a day. Nor I like feeling the way I feel when my blood sugars drop so low or  go sky high. It is not a damn good fucking feeling. Yes I do feel depressed and disgusted about it because I never asked to have this life as a diabetic at all. It was given to me without asking for it. I hate it I feel disgusted living like that.
   I even cry because why did I have to be diagnosed with Diabetes at such a young age. I get scared on the what if I don't wake up, what if I don't make it to be an old lady, just the what if's that I don't get to do anymore. What if I end up in the hospital one last time and I never get to come out of there anymore. I don't what to be afraid for my life anymore, I don't want to have to worry about my blood sugars nor doing anything at all that I do now as a Diabetic. I don't want my family to worry about me or how my blood sugars are anymore. Yes I fucking have being a diabetic so bad, I despise it so bad. I often as my self what did I ever do to be a diabetic. Was I such that bad of a person that now in this life I got diagnosed with diabetes at such a young age??? I often wonder why did it had to be me and not someone else that is able to afford this fucking life. I can barely buy my self a damn soda when it drops, how the fuck am I supposed to afford a $900ish something insulin to keep me alive for a month. I cant afford being a diabetic, neither does anyone else. Its too expensive, fucking scientists make profit while we barely can afford a damn drop of insulin, half a strip, a barely new meter, and any other things that we may need to survive another second.
   How is this fair for any diabetic. How come there is a cure for everything else but diabetes. How come its too difficult to find a cure for diabetes but easy to make newer insulin and newer products for diabetes that cost a lot more, but so hard to find a cure for diabetes that will most likely cost a lot less. I don't want to be afraid for my life anymore, I do not want to have to worry about how many carbs I ate nor I want to prick my fingers or inject or do anything else diabetes related. I just want to live like a normal person without diabetes and not have to worry about it ever again in my life. I want to live a diabetes free life. How hard is that to ask, that I want a cure for diabetes. I don't think is that difficult at all.

Love Venuz <3 <3 <3

Public Diabetes Display (PDD)

   So, I want to talk about when my self having diabetes and when I go out there have been times, where I have the need to check my blood sugar and take insulin shots. When I go out to eat with family and/or friends there has been times where I do it. Usually when I do that I get random looks from strangers as they were thinking "what is she doing, why is she not in the restroom doing that, ew" or "why is she doing such a thing as getting high". I have the feeling that people do that but hey when you got to do that why not right?

   There was one time though where I heard someone say behind me something along the line "she is getting high why would she be doing that in public and all" so I went over to tell her the reason why I was doing such thing. Friends that know that I have diabetes and obviously my family don't seem to mind so much that I check my blood sugar in front of them, they just kind of ignore it. Since they know I have to do it, but at times I tend to get asked if it hurts and how I am able to deal with such thing and what not. They also say that they would not be able to do such a thing because they are scared of needles or what not. That is when I come in and tell them that if I not do it I will end up in the hospital, or just dying. Yes it hurts at times pricking my fingers or injecting insulin, it sometimes burns, but hey is either I deal with the burning sensation of insulin and pricking fingers or I wont last for another day or for the next few hours or what not.

   Yes it is hard to deal with diabetes on a daily basis, and there has been times I just don't want to deal with it but I think to my self, why not deal with it and live another day to talk to my family and friends even if it's to give them a hard time and some hell here and there. So to the people that stare at someone pricking their finger and injecting insulin, don't stare like we are some maniacs or some crazy people getting high in public. Maybe you should take the time and ask what they are doing and if you see them not looking okay ask if they need some kind of help, do not be ignorant if they tell you they have diabetes or whatever else they may have. Because you do not know what challenges they may be taking just to be alive for few more hours. Some of us may have certain amount of time to live and we our selves may not know it and all we are trying to do is live another day. Do not be telling us what we should or should not do. We are the ones that know more of our diabetes than our Doctors do. We are able to eat anything you are able to eat but with moderation. It is nothing out of the world. We are not aliens we are not some type of weird freak either. We are our own hero, that can save our self. All we want is just a dang cure so we don't have to deal with it any more, why?? Because you do not how hard it is to have to deal with diabetes 24/7/365. If you want to know how to help a person with diabetes just ask them, and we will be able to help you. Each person with diabetes deals with it in a different way, a persons diabetes is different from someone else's diabetes. There is days my diabetes is such a roller coaster, one minute it could be just fine but thirty (30) mutes later it could be hight that I am way to sweet, and I am not my self, the next hour or so it
could be low to the ground and I don't know what I'm doing

and I could not even know who I am at times or where I am or any of that. I may start eating anything and everything that comes to hand and is reachable. It is not a pretty feeling either way. From my experience from being a diabetic for 19+ I can tell you that at times I wish I didn't have diabetes at all, I wish I was a "normal" person. Yes there is times I ask my self what did I do wrong to end up being diagnosed with diabetes at such young age of seven (7). But then again I tell my self my immune system just screwed up and decided to attack my well functioning pancreas and give me this life sentence, that I did not wish for at all, not even on my dreams did I wish to have it. All I know is that I am a well strong person that can handle it and knows how to deal with it. Yes there is times it all just goes wrong. But hey that's what comes with it right??


To any of you who are dealing with diabetes or just got diagnosed with diabetes I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out there, you just got to go find them and talk to someone that could and will understand your struggle that you are going through. Yes it is not easy at all, but I know you can over come it and be a hero to someone, and show them how much of a badass you are kicking Diabetes ass.


Jupiter <3 <3

http://diatribe.org/diabetes-blogs-and-forums

http://thediabetesheroes.com/index.html

Diabetes and I

   Diabetes don't bother me at all but you know?? There are days or times where I just feel like I am living a dream with a chronic desease called Diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was about six or seven  years old, at the time everything was just new to me and my family, following a "rigid" diet where my mom would not let me eat sweets such as soda, candy, or any of that stuff. It was difficult for me and of course my family too. Having to constantly prick my fingers to check my blood sugar and up to eight infections a day just to stabilize my glucose. 

   At times when I am checking my blood sugar it just feels so unreal, as if it were not me doing such thing, or when I inject the insulin before every meal. It just all seems like such a lie, as if it were somebody else in my body doing all of this. I get frustrated, angry and said and I constantly ask my self why do I have to deal with such thing. Why can I not have diabetes at all, it just all makes me so angry at my self, sad, depressed, and everything in between. There is times I just cant help it but burst in tears and ask my self if I did anything to have diabetes at all, and if I could had done something different I would not have it. Yes there is days that I feel sorry for my self when I shouldn't, I fight this battle on having to deal with diabetes. It is a daily battle dealing with all of this. There is days/times when I just don't want to deal with my diabetes and I want to give it all up have something happen. I just don't do so because I know my family will miss me even friends and my pet. 

   This battle against diabetes is so difficult and at times it feels as if no one understands how I feel inside. Pricking my fingers to have at least a tiny speckle of blood to check my blood sugar, and having to inject so much of insulin so it all stays stable and not end up in the hospital. Having diabetes is not ok at all, because everything you have to do and battle against. People being so ignorant about diabetes and thinking they know more than you do when you are the one dealing with it every single day at all hours, minutes, and seconds of everyday.  I really DO NOT I repeat DO NOT wish on someone to have diabetes at all whatsoever. 

   I remember when I was newly diagnosed it hurted to prick my fingers and the burning sensation whenever I had to give my self shots. It was the hardest thing in the world and it still is, because there is times or days or whatever that you do not know what to do about it, or you just want to give up but you just don't because you want to live another day, just to see or talk to friends and family, go out on a walk with your dog or wanting to ride your bicycle or something. I wish I never would have diabetes at all. I know it was not my fault having diabetes but it feels like it all was my fault, that maybe I could have had done something different maybe I would never have diabetes at all. 

   There is days like I say I feel angry, sad, depressed and everything in between because of my diabetes. 

P.S. The video above is not me, is something I found on youtube.

Jupiter <3 <3

Ignorants about Diabetes

   So, today I was talking to someone about my Diabetes and trying to explain that I needed to take medications (insulin shots) everyday. In oder to live for another day or hour or what not. This person was telling me how apparently if I did this or did that or if I ate the "right" foods or did such exercise or ate that kind of food or what not, I would get off the insulin/medications, and how my pancreas did work. When it clearly does not! This person was saying how his Dr. said to him if he lost so many pounds he would not take any medication or metforming or whatever he would take for his so called Diabetes. As well as he was not taking her medications because he lost about 30lbs or something like that, she was not taking his medication because of that, and how she only took it when he was eating certain carbs and whatnot. This pissed me off so bad, when I was to tell this person that I just can't just stop like that taking insulin or taking such medication because according to this person my pancreas did work. How I needed to lose so many ponds or some weight because according to this person I had Diabetes because my weight.

   I was trying so hard to not get bothered about this but it got to me how some people are so ignorant about Diabetes or any other sickness like that. This went on me trying to explain to this person about my Diabetes, and how my pancreas does not work, and how my immune system attacked my pancreas, and if I stopped taking my medications I would end up in the hospital for the highs that I would get and how I would get may complications for not taking the medication or what not. I kept repeating the same thing in so many different ways for this person to understand this to the point I just pissed this person of that it decided to just walk away because this person needed to take a "piss" just because this person could not handle all the crap I was tell them about if I stopped taking medications or if I did this or that I would not live another day. Or just plainly die, if I just stopped all at once.

   I also said to this person how he would love it if I said to her how to handle his desease or what ever she had going on with his health. I said to put him self in that position on everybody telling her every day at all hours of the day how he is supposed to handle it or what he is supposed to do or not to do. How is it that some people are just to damn stupid and ignorant about such things like that. That they only want people to listen to them but they do not want to listen to no one else. I just dislike how people try to tell me how to deal with my Diabetes, and what I am supposed to do or not do. and how if I tried such things I would be "cured" or not be able to take insulin anymore. Because hey if that were the thing. I would had been "cured" ages ago, doing all my best, and eating all the "right" foods and doing so much exercise. Just to stay balanced or for at least one of my blood sugars to be on the right track for at least five minutes to an hour. Hows it possible that a none Diabetic person thinks they know more about Diabetes than the Diabetic person it self. This is my theory, if someone wants to know about Diabetes or at least about my Diabetes, as me and I will tell you. Just ask a Diabetic person and I am sure they will be more than happy to tell you about Diabetes, and how that person deals with it on a daily basis. Instead of giving advice without being asked just fucking ask. Do not assume and do not give advice or whatever, unless you are being asked for one.http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/

Diabetes Roller Coaster Ride (HI's & LO's)

When my blood sugar gets low there's times I feel retarded, confused and too lazy. There are times that it feels like if I'm high on something. There's times too I feel lost I don't know where I am. The times that my I have seizures because of my low blood sugars half my body feels paralyzed I can't move it right, and when I try to walk I end up falling because my body it's just not right half of it and it really does not feel good, it really doesn't. It makes me feel like I'm not doing something right. When my blood sugar is high it feels weird too. I hate it because every five minutes I'm in the restroom. It's not good and I can't do nothing. And of course I lose weight the fast way. There's times I feel like throwing up, which I have had in the past and ended up in the hospital with DKA and shit. Thinking to my self, I could have died but didn't. Maybe I'm just lucky. That nothing worse has had happened. Everytime that my blood sugar is high and lose a few pounds I gain it all back when my blood sugar is low. It's stupid. When I get sick because of my blood sugar being high or low it makes me feel like I'm not doing anything right. I know I'm doing the best I can, but it makes me feel that way because you know the damn Dr.'s always tell you, you aren't doing nothing help you're damn self and it's your fault your blood sugars are always a damn fucking roller coaster. That pisses me off because they don't understand what I do and what I go trough on the daily basis to keep my self alive. ��

Diabetic Diagnosis

Okay, so when I got diagnosed with Diabetes was when I was in elementary school. I was about 7/8 years old. And I was in 3rd or 4th grade. What I remember happened is one day I started breathing in a weird deep breath. It felt like I could not breath at all like someone was sucking the dang breath out of me. It didn't feel so good at all. Then it went to me having to run out of class for the restroom to throw up, every so often the teacher was angry at me and started to not like me because of it yet worried because she didn't know what was going on. There were even times I peed my self because ether the teacher would not let me go to the restroom or because I didn't make it. Why?! Because I had to be every minute or so, I lost so much weight I looked anorexic almost with dark circles under my eyes. At times I felt so tiered I didn't wanna do anything. One night, my step-dad and my mom found me, in my bed not good I guess. I remember my whole bed was wet in pee, the whole damn thing. I remember my mom and step-dad called 911 I think. After a while I remember I was in a room, what I saw or think I saw was a very bright white light. That's all I remember seeing the whole time. But I do remember hearing my mom crying her eyes out because she thought I was going to die, and my step-dad trying so hard to not cry just to calm my mom down, telling her it was all going to be okay. There were so many Dr.s and nurses making sure I was okay that I wasn't going to die or any of that crap. I was in a comma for about 3 to 4 months I believe. After I woke up from the comma I was in the hospital for a while. In a way "home schooled" because my mom and dad had to bring me homework and what not. Getting back to school was so hard having to re-adjust to everything. It was difficult because because I couldn't really eat what every one was eating. The lunch ladies took the candy off the apples from the candy apples they serve in Texas for breakfast in schools. It was just so hard, I was a kid that wanted to do kid things like stuffing my self with fucking candy, eating cake all the time, chocolates and sodas. You know kid things, but I was prohibited from doing those things. I was always or,most the damn time on a fucking "diet" and I didn't liked it inc whatsoever. What's a kid supposed to do when they are told you can't eat candy no more for the rest of their lives. Find a dang way to eat cans right?? And soda and all that shit right?!?! Anyway, it was hard for me when I was a child having to deal with Diabetes. Its still hard to this day, dealing with Diabetes 24/7 IT IS NOT EASY PEOPLE!! No body told is it was but why didn't they. Because maybe it is that they don't and they don't have to deal with it but is Diabetics. �� jupiter

Diabetes & S**t

Okay so I was browsing trough the internet about D you know and I came to find many things but what caught my eye in some way was/is. How come we Diabetics are "forced" or mandated to follow a damn diet or ruled WHAT TO or WHAT NOT TO eat at all. That's just stood in my opinion. Were people like anyone else who want to and are supposed to eat whatever we want. Why should I as a Diabetic deprive my self from eating something I want to eat or like to eat just because the dang Dr. and his/her minions and other people say and think we shouldn't eat that.  If wanna eat it and they tell me no HECK THAT I WILL eat it 2x and in front of their faces just because she/he said no to me. Just to piss them off and say "you see what happens when you tell me I can't or shouldn't eat that?!" Yea maybe I'm a crazy girl with Diabetes Type (DT1) that does what she wants but what I dislike the most I'd when I get told I shouldn't. Another thing to, that I get told. That I "should" eat at the same times everyday. But no I don't eat at the same times everyday because I don't feel like it and because people keep telling me the same s**t over and over again. And it's None-Diabetics ALWAYS!! What do they know about my Diabetes out just Diabetes in general. NOTHING!! Maybe the None-Diabetics should just shut it because they just should. I will keep asking what I want and eating what I WANT because I CAN!! And do it in front of the people specially Dr.'s that told me not to because yes! And to make them angry and you all know what I mean right?? Just a small rant about Diabetes and shit. 

�� Jupiter

Diabetes is not easy.... EVER!!

Don't you hate when people tell you and think they know more about your Diabetes than you or just Diabetes in general?! It angers me a lot, because is like they do not know what's like to deal with it in the daily basis 24/7 at all. They do know know nothing, yet they say they do and try to make you do things or what not because what you do is not okay or it's not what a Diabetic should do. The Dr.'s don't know what we do our struggle with just to keep our sugar level okay or or at least on a "normal" range at all. No body knows our efforts more than us yet we get told we are not doing it right. Or that the things we do are wrong that we should do it the way they tell us. But guess what Dr. dude!! You ain't the diabetic one here I AM!! What bugs me about the people I tell that I'm Diabetic, it's that they think that know more than me, or that they are experts in that just because their whom ever family member has it. But just because they know someone that has Diabetes does not mean they know more than me or them. Many people say to me "oh you should not be eating this or you should not eating that but eat this instead is better for you." That bothers me a lot. Just because I got the D does not mean I can't eat nothing. I'm just a normal person that is able to eat what ever the hell she wants as much as I WANT WHEN I WANT because I FUCKING CAN!!!! I'll just give my self the whole bottle of insulin if I have to. To me at least most times it is difficult having to deal with my Diabetes because having to prick my fingers so many times a day, and having to inject insulin everyday 24/7 just to keep my self alive it is difficult! To the point I don't want to do it at all anymore. There's times I just want to give up having to check my blood sugar and injecting because it's just to much, I feel like its to much at times. Dealing with Diabetes is to much work, why don't I get paid for it already. There is days I cry because I have Diabetes and I ask my self why, why me why do I have to deal with it, but then I think to my self why NOT me. Because if it were someone else with Diabetes they would not know how to deal with it like I do, in the ways I deal with it. You know what keeps me going dealing with my Diabetes?? What keeps me going is that I want to keep giving hell to my family, and ex boyfriend and maybe because I want to be the next Million Dollar Baby. Though I know that'll never happen but I just want to keep my hopes up for that, or maybe become a badass Lawyer that never losses like the Kardashian dude with the O.J. Simpson case. Well, that's me dealing with Diabetes, and ranting about people and Dr.'s that don't know about Diabetes like I do. 

Jupiter <3 <3