Oh how I remember somewhat when I got diagnosed with Diabetes T1, it felt scary I was unconscious like no tomorrow. But it felt scary, specially for my mom, though I was able to hear her cries for help and her hoping I would not die. It was really scary, I remember in elementary school, just one day, it was difficult to breath. I was using the restroom way too often, vomiting, feeling too angry and angsty for no reason at all. It was really scary, I remember my classmates telling my why I was breathing the way I was. I felt out of breath even sitting down I felt out of breath, running to the restroom every five minutes.
Then boom one night, I remember my mom and my step dad, trying to wake me up, because I had peed the bed. I remember I heard my mom screaming for my step dad, as well as she shaking me to wake up, because the whole mattress was wet in pee. I was not waking up, it felt like everything went black I was not able to recall anything at all others than my mom crying on my stepdads arms “No my daughter!! My daughter what is wrong with her!! Please wake her up, I do not want my baby to die!! What is wrong with her!!” My step dad trying to calm her down with a calm panic in his voice, I was 5-6 years old then my sister barely 1-2 years old. She was afraid I’m so sure of it seeing my mom in such a way, and my step dad trying to calm her down. It felt scary me being in a coma for quite a while. I can only imagine the desperation of my mom, how my sister felt seeing my mom in such a way and my step dad, trying to be strong for my mom and my sister. I remember an emergency room full of nurses, Dr’s and my mom scared thinking I wasn’t going to make it, my sister such a baby then not knowing what the heck was going on but afraid because how my mom felt. It was a thought time for all of us after my diagnosis, that I was going to be on a life saving drug for the rest of my life. It was and still is a damn difficult time to handle and manage diabetes. It is easier now to deal and manage it, yes just like may of you out there with diabetes, I have the difficult where no matter what I do it all goes wrong. I have those days where I just want to give it all up and not deal with diabetes anymore, when I want to send it all to hell. But I don’t because I don’t want my mom to suffer for loosing her daughter, because I didn’t want to fight diabetes anymore.
I love my mom enough to not make her suffer in such a way. I love her too much and then some to make her deal with my dumb crazy ass, to give her hell and then some. I want her to be angry at me for either being low or high and her getting mad at me for not treating the low or high sugar soon enough. I want to hear her asking me what are my symptoms when low or high.
Diabetes has been my very, VERY!! Odd the hell is wrong with you why are you so out of control today no matter what I do friend. I have had people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is it for, Ive had others think is a nicotine patch which is really fucking hilarious!! Let’s not talk about the insulin pump, I’ve had many people think is either a beeper or an iPod yea the kind that sends music to my pancreas so I don’t die!
I remember when I was working at a convenience store a lady asked me what the Dexom and Pump was…my first thought that came to mind to tell her was “it means Im a Robot! Beep beep!” The face the lady gave me was all to hilarious to me!! Could not help but laugh! And the person I was working with that day just bursted laughing so hard out loud about my response. We did ended up explaining to her what it was for, and that I had diabetes and such. That was one of the funniest responses to me that I have ever told someone when they asked what they were and what I used them for.
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