Diabetes Daily: Lows and some Highs

     Times when I have a low blood sugar it makes me feel week and tired. It makes me feel as if it is not me at all, kind of like an out of body experience. It feels off in some sort of way, whenever I am experiencing a low blood sugar. One time I remember, I felt a low blood sugar coming low, it felt as if I had smoked marijuana or something like that. It felt weirdly off and awkward. I didn't know explain it to anyone or tell the people I was working with what was happening, or how I was feeling. All I was able to quickly think of was asking for a juice. I am not sure why it was the first thing to my mind, but it did, but I am glad I did though. I just in a way knew how speak up whenever I were to have a low blood sugar. I though shut down; I even forget how to even speak. I get dumb when my blood sugar gets low, I dislike it very so much. I don't know how else to describe how it feels for me to have a low blood sugar. I have had quite a few times where I wake up while having a low blood sugar seizure. It feels wrong, my body feels like I can barely move it. I feel like a damn robot. It feels like I lose control of my body. I feel like my limbs are stuck however my body is laying down, somehow though I manage to lay on my side, just in case of anything. On times like this, I am glad I have a smart phone, where I can just say "hey siri call...." I honestly have never felt glad to have a smart phone, for when times like such come up. 

    Now when it comes to a stupid high blood sugar, it feels like dying in some way. I feel dryer than the Sahara Desert. I cannot stop drinking water while I run to the restroom. I have had those times when I have had DKA, and it feels like I'm dying. It does not feel pretty how horrendous it feels. Aside from feeling dryer than the Sahara Desert, I feel hunger, though no matter how much water I may drink, it feels that the thirst does not quench at all. At the same time, I pee more than I drunk it feels like. The hunger part, it feels like even if I eat no matter how much, I lose weight like dumb. I as well vomit, and my body cannot hold anything, not even water, that is when is extremely bad DKA wise. It never felt great, the times I was experiencing all of that, it never felt great at all. At one point I told myself, "Maybe it's time to pass on, so you do not have to deal with Diabetes anymore.

    Same negative talk I've had it when I experience extremely low blood sugars, that includes the ones where I woken up while having a seizure. None of those two highs or lows ever okay in any shape, way or form. Let alone having to deal with diabetes every single day at every hour minute or second. It sucks having to deal with diabetes, I dislike diabetes, I very so much dislike I was ever diagnose I was ever diagnosed with it. But one of the things I dislike the most, is when people tell me or say I don't ever try hard enough, or that I don't ever do my best to take care of myself or my diabetes. As if they knew how difficult it is to manage it in the first place. I didn't ask to be a Diabetic. I never asked for a chronic illness at all, especially when your only six years old. 

    Diabetes has thought me so much, so very much and I am grateful for that, even though I dislike having Diabetes, I am glad I learn many things every day, even to this day, I still learn many things from having diabetes. There's never a damn dull day every. There is many resources and help guide I can always go to, if I were to have difficulties with something, whether is diabetes wise or medications or whatever it is. There is resources out there for any of us to try. I would like them down below for you if you needed resources for anything or help.

Diabetes Assication

JDRF

https://www.jdrf.org/

Diabetes Daily....Let's Talk Diabetes

     Good Evening/Morning everyone,

How's everyone doing tonight. I am doing perfectly well enough, for tonight at least. Diabetes though, I dislike it most days, yet others I want to think I'm perfectly fine with it. That is because there is days where the numbers are so perfect, it makes me think I am doing something amazing or having the most amazing day ever. Other days the numbers are just disgusting enough it makes me think I am not doing anything right even though I do the best of my abilities.

    It makes feel like a failure when my blood sugars aren't doing as good as would like to. Yes, there is days where I hate it being a diabetic so much, it makes me wonder why I was ever diagnosed with it or why did I had to become a diabetic. Bur in a way, it makes me feel okay enough to be one because I can teach someone about it or explain to someone what diabetes is, or at least the different between type one (juvenile diabetes) and type 2. Though most people think and ask when I tell them I have diabetes they say "is that the bad one?" "is that the worse one?" I do not know what people think diabetes is, or when they think I cannot eat food at all, such as chocolate, soda, juice or whatever it is. I try and explain my diabetes in every which way possible in a way they may understand yet most are too stupid to want to understand. I don't understand what people think diabetes is, or what the differences are. All I hear is "oh yes my so and so has diabetes. They did such and such and now they do not have diabetes anymore. Maybe you should try it, and you can get off your meds, as well as you won't be diabetic anymore." So that's where I come in and try to explain about the one diabetes that I have and explain to them what the type of diabetes I have is. Or at least a simple explanation of the two is, that I believe people may understand, if so. 

    I remember too though, when I first got diagnosed with diabetes back in 1996, it was very difficult to deal with diabetes in every sense. Specially for a six-year-old child who knows not better about a chronic illness that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. Let alone a single mother who knew no better but did her best to deal with it. All I knew at that age was that I wanted to eat cake, candy and soda. I was always told I couldn't or just a simple no. I did not understand why I couldn't by my friends were able to just not me. I did not understand, why everyone else was able to enjoy, candy, soda, cake and all those good, tasty things kids love to eat, yet I was unable to do so. All I knew to do at that age was prick my fingers and inject myself at least 30 min before I had to eat. I did not even comprehend the whole diabetes thing at that age. I did not even know what that meant at six years old. 

    But now that I am older, I understand better how to manage my diabetes better than I did when I was in high school. I did rebel at that age, I did not want to do the whole pricking the falangies nor inject at all. I did do so, but not like I was supposed to. But anyway though, that is what it is. 

That is all my ranting for the day, Ill talk to you all soon....

Work & Blood Sugars…

     So, today while at work, my blood sugar went horribly low, or at least is how I felt it. Stupid low, it was at 44. Im glad I wasn’t on my own when it went that low, I had two security officers with me while I was doing my job. Im glad they where with me and I was able to get the help that I needed, such as getting me a cup of orange juice and a granola bar. I appreciate that so very much for the help and not letting me pass out with seizures. As well as calling someone that I work with to help me with what I needed help with. It was a dumb thing to do but somehow I needed help opening a door from an atm which is easy to do, but I needed some help opening the darn door, though Im glad I had someone helping me, even if it was just for that. 

    Letting people I work with that I have diabetes, it helps in many ways than others, such as them knowing if and when I may need the help. Or even if they ask me what my Dexcom or insulin pump is. I explain what it is for, some may ask what it is and that’s where I come in and explain what it is and such. I rather people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is used for. In some way I am teaching the person about my diabetes and what the thing on my arm is for along with the insulin pump just the in case they may work with someone like my self in the future.

    I am very happy that I work with people that even though some of them do not understand so much about the diabetes it self, they are willing to learn something here and there, and the ones who understand are willing to help even if is just to get me a cup of juice, candy or even just some damn water. I have an amazing group of people I work with that are remotely willing to help and understand or learn even just a little, I don’t know how I got so lucky in that sense. Im grateful even my manager is very understanding about such thing as well. 

The Price of Diabetes..

     So, recently I was pondering why is it that insulin a life saving drug for many of us is so stupidly expensive, when it cost merely pennies to make. Yet its to expensive to get, not only insulin but also other thins such as a glucose meter, test strips, glucose tablets, emergency kit aka Glucagon, etc. Such things why is it that they are expensive, expensive to the point that I have to almost decide whether if I want a roof over my head, food, and feed the dog, or life saving drug. 

    How is it that big pharma takes advantage of situation, who is it possible that a drug addict or alcoholic can have a small damn pill for free to “cure” them from such thing, and people like us who desperately need a life saving drug have to give up everything else only to have a life saving drug. Nothing against a person who is alcoholic, or addict I have nothing against them. But what I am against is why is it that they have everything for free such as narcan or whatever other meds to get them off from not overdosing or whatever, yet we have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for something that keeps us alive.

    There have been too many deaths from people not being able to afford their insulin and other necesities what we require to live another day. It is very sad that the government isn’t doing anything to help or at least bring down the prices for such life saving drug. Why is it that rehab places receive free things and are willing to help someone with such things such as drug addiction, alcoholism and such things but aren’t willing to help a person with diabetes and get them free supplies such as free testing supplies, such as glucose meters, test strips, finger prickers, glucose tablets and such to help them manage their blood sugars and such. As well as the why is it bills to treat a person with diabetes are so expensive to the point of no return yet for anyone else those kinds of bills aren’t as high. Or is it just me..

    I was told by my iunsurance company that they would not sell me supplies for my insulin pump or the dexcom only because they decided not to tell me about the charges the times I was ordering supplies from the pharmacy. Such bill went up to almost $3000 something I wasnt not able to afford to pay in months or so. Im poor and I’m barely able to pay for rent and insulin. Rent is expensive let alone diabetes supplies and insulin, something that keeps me alive another damn day. 

Diabetes at work…

   It’s been so long I’ve post anything here, I feel like I’ve been too lazy and obviously busy with work just like everyone else around here. If I could make this my job writing about diabetes all the time from personal experience and all I so would, but I think I’d get some type of burnout or something like that. But other than that everything good but not so good. 

   Lately I’ve been having to call off work that  I’m not able to show up because either I’ve had a severe low on the verge of seizing or after having a damn seizure that I’ve had to all the ambulance on my self. I honestly do not know how I’m even able to do it or have the strength to do it, but somehow I do. At times like that, I feel like SuperWoman and Wonder Woman all in one. Being my own hero at the worse and best of times. Like anyone of us, specifically when you live alone with a small chihuahua with a heart murmur who’s a rescue. I love that darn dog so much. 

   Anyway, getting off track here, as I mentioned before I’ve had to call off work many times before because of diabetes. Any of you that read my blogs and are type ones or two’s more specifically ones, you know how the hell it feels when your blood sugar goes down so much, you or someone has had to call the ambulance while or after having a seizure. It does not feel so good you feel like shit, or at least I do. I feel weak, that I all I want to do is stay in bed, all day. At that point I don’t even think about work.

  Sometime last week/week and a half or so, I was at work as I worker the night shift, I don’t exactly remember what time it was, I remember I had asked my manager on shift if I was able to get one of the cookies we sell as I work in a foodcourt restaurant inside a casino, that’s was going to pay for it as soon as I was able to. So he was able to give me some brownie chips or some shit. Mind you I was drinking soda like stupid, it felt like that wasn’t working because next thing I know, I didn’t know where I was. I had gone for a restroom break, at that time, I was trying to tie the apron but I was having a difficult time, as if I’d forgotten how to tie the apron, something simple that any is able to do. But at that time I’d forgotten how to do it. Next thing I know I was at the restaurant, one of my coworkers was talking to me and from what I remember, they said I needed to prep something for them, then next thing I know I was grabbing my things and  walked out of work like nothing. It all did but didn’t looked familiar, in the moment it felt like I didn’t belong there at all. After that I don’t really remember much other than walking, next thing I know I was at the bus stop where I take the bus to go home. That’s when my manager messaged me where I was. I apologized and said to him I was low in my blood department, that wasn’t feeling too well. I felt like shit walking out without a word, just like that. 

   And yesterday waking up from a nap, my blood sugar was at 30, i just woke up scared that I wasn’t boto wakes in time to take the dog out on his walk for his business. Poor thing saved me somehow, he just did what he needed to do and looks at me like, ‘ok I’m done let’s go home, you no good hooman’ I don’t know why I had to call my mom to tell her though, I FaceTimed her, so she knew I was well even though not fully there. Yes I ate PB&J sandwich and juice before calling her…I’m okay now, I’m just glad it didn’t went to serious matters, which I’m really happy for.

Alright guys that is it for today! If you guys like comment anything you’d like me to talk bout next and subscribe to keep an eye out for the next post.

                                        Piece & Love, Venuz

Diabetes talk anyone??

  Hey everyone!! Is been so long I have been on here, been busy lately but now I have more time to post on here. Anyway! I've been thinking lately about how diabetes has affected my life in many ways yet made it better in other ways as well. The past few days I've experienced lows to the point I wasn't feeling half of my body. Which is not good at all and I do not know why or how that comes. It scares me that some days I'm not gonna wake up one of these days. No I'm not saying that I do not take care of my self because I do in so many ways than others and some people think I am not doing so just because I've experienced lows or highs for so many days in a row. How does that translate that I am not taking care of my self what so ever. Why can any one see how hard I try to take care of my self. How is it possible that everyone sees the bad but not the good I've done for my self. It makes me feel like I am not trying or doing my best at all, and it makes me feel like shit. Living with Diabetes is hard and stupid enough for others to tell me I am not doing my best enough to deal with Diabetes every day that I get scared I will not wake up one of these days at all. I feel like shit already just having Diabetes and dealing with it for people telling me I am not doing the best I can or that is not good enough what I do. Weather I do my best or not to manage my diabetes seems like is never enough to someone else.
   I am honestly scared that one day I will not wake up at all, and I do not ever want that to happen and hurt my family because of that. I hate having diabetes and dealing with it 24/7/365 its difficult dealing and managing it all the time. Some days I want to give it up but I don't because I want to see my loved ones one more time/day.

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

Experiencing a Diabetic Seizure...

  Hi! Long time no talk!....Today I wanted to talk about few of my experiences, when I have been really low to the point I have seizures.
  So usually I feel when I am low, check my sugars and I have a couple of glucose tablets, wait a few minutes to somewhat stabilize, then I get something such as a PB&J and a small glass of juice or something as such. That is typically when I am alone and what now, thank goodness I have my cat Mr. Coffee that stays by my side, in those times though it may seem like he does not care but he does. Usually lets me know few minutes before I have the symptoms. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night with a low, my cat wakes me up which is funny I didn't think my cat would do such a thing since I live alone at the moment. I am very happy that I have a pet that helps me in such ways. :) Anyway, in some way that is kinda funny yet weird at the same time, and call it what you will, but in some ways I think my diabetic subconscious knows when I am with someone and lows show up at the weirdest of times. Because when I am asleep I usually wake up and shove everything that gets to be in front of me to my face. But when my subconscious knows there is someone with me that is able to help me when my sugar gets low that is when it decides to just drop low to the darn ground and my body decides to have a seizure, to the point 911 has to be called and at least two ambulances, three fire trucks and five cop cars get to the scene, which is funny because my diabetes decided to have a damn moment, and all of a sudden my house is filled with all them sexy people to my rescue making sure I do not die! I am just happy that happens and when I get to see them all my blood sugar stabilizes but drops again because of all the excitement. XD
  Don't give me wrong I love it when they all surround me trying to not let me go, but it gets tiredly frustrating that all those fireman, paramedics and cops that you saw three days ago are there again, and again and again. That they already know you by name, your exact location and everything else in between that they all make sure to stay close by just incase your diabetes decides to go all crazy wack on you again same rutine from two days ago, and them telling you the same darn think, and you try your best to not let it happen again but decides at the worse times to do it all over again. Which is not a nice feeling to experience that you are thinking to get your self hospitalized for few weeks to see what is going on with your darn self, or maybe is because your pancreas or whatever decided to not work with you for that long. That you decide in some way to give it all up, but not all the way because you know as much as you try nothing seems to be working at all.
  You don't give up on this battle though because you desperately want to win so bad, and feel glorious that you are doing something right because you wake up the next day alive, knowing that you will be alive one more day and be the best you are and the awesome hero that you are. Because in someones eyeballs you are the person that showed them to never give up including your beautiful fury children. Because without you they would be hungry and yea.....Anyway, don't ever give up on this battle that you are fighting because in someones eyes even an animal, you are a superhero! <3

Jupiter <3 <3

Diabetes and I

   Diabetes don't bother me at all but you know?? There are days or times where I just feel like I am living a dream with a chronic desease called Diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was about six or seven  years old, at the time everything was just new to me and my family, following a "rigid" diet where my mom would not let me eat sweets such as soda, candy, or any of that stuff. It was difficult for me and of course my family too. Having to constantly prick my fingers to check my blood sugar and up to eight infections a day just to stabilize my glucose. 

   At times when I am checking my blood sugar it just feels so unreal, as if it were not me doing such thing, or when I inject the insulin before every meal. It just all seems like such a lie, as if it were somebody else in my body doing all of this. I get frustrated, angry and said and I constantly ask my self why do I have to deal with such thing. Why can I not have diabetes at all, it just all makes me so angry at my self, sad, depressed, and everything in between. There is times I just cant help it but burst in tears and ask my self if I did anything to have diabetes at all, and if I could had done something different I would not have it. Yes there is days that I feel sorry for my self when I shouldn't, I fight this battle on having to deal with diabetes. It is a daily battle dealing with all of this. There is days/times when I just don't want to deal with my diabetes and I want to give it all up have something happen. I just don't do so because I know my family will miss me even friends and my pet. 

   This battle against diabetes is so difficult and at times it feels as if no one understands how I feel inside. Pricking my fingers to have at least a tiny speckle of blood to check my blood sugar, and having to inject so much of insulin so it all stays stable and not end up in the hospital. Having diabetes is not ok at all, because everything you have to do and battle against. People being so ignorant about diabetes and thinking they know more than you do when you are the one dealing with it every single day at all hours, minutes, and seconds of everyday.  I really DO NOT I repeat DO NOT wish on someone to have diabetes at all whatsoever. 

   I remember when I was newly diagnosed it hurted to prick my fingers and the burning sensation whenever I had to give my self shots. It was the hardest thing in the world and it still is, because there is times or days or whatever that you do not know what to do about it, or you just want to give up but you just don't because you want to live another day, just to see or talk to friends and family, go out on a walk with your dog or wanting to ride your bicycle or something. I wish I never would have diabetes at all. I know it was not my fault having diabetes but it feels like it all was my fault, that maybe I could have had done something different maybe I would never have diabetes at all. 

   There is days like I say I feel angry, sad, depressed and everything in between because of my diabetes. 

P.S. The video above is not me, is something I found on youtube.

Jupiter <3 <3

Ignorants about Diabetes

   So, today I was talking to someone about my Diabetes and trying to explain that I needed to take medications (insulin shots) everyday. In oder to live for another day or hour or what not. This person was telling me how apparently if I did this or did that or if I ate the "right" foods or did such exercise or ate that kind of food or what not, I would get off the insulin/medications, and how my pancreas did work. When it clearly does not! This person was saying how his Dr. said to him if he lost so many pounds he would not take any medication or metforming or whatever he would take for his so called Diabetes. As well as he was not taking her medications because he lost about 30lbs or something like that, she was not taking his medication because of that, and how she only took it when he was eating certain carbs and whatnot. This pissed me off so bad, when I was to tell this person that I just can't just stop like that taking insulin or taking such medication because according to this person my pancreas did work. How I needed to lose so many ponds or some weight because according to this person I had Diabetes because my weight.

   I was trying so hard to not get bothered about this but it got to me how some people are so ignorant about Diabetes or any other sickness like that. This went on me trying to explain to this person about my Diabetes, and how my pancreas does not work, and how my immune system attacked my pancreas, and if I stopped taking my medications I would end up in the hospital for the highs that I would get and how I would get may complications for not taking the medication or what not. I kept repeating the same thing in so many different ways for this person to understand this to the point I just pissed this person of that it decided to just walk away because this person needed to take a "piss" just because this person could not handle all the crap I was tell them about if I stopped taking medications or if I did this or that I would not live another day. Or just plainly die, if I just stopped all at once.

   I also said to this person how he would love it if I said to her how to handle his desease or what ever she had going on with his health. I said to put him self in that position on everybody telling her every day at all hours of the day how he is supposed to handle it or what he is supposed to do or not to do. How is it that some people are just to damn stupid and ignorant about such things like that. That they only want people to listen to them but they do not want to listen to no one else. I just dislike how people try to tell me how to deal with my Diabetes, and what I am supposed to do or not do. and how if I tried such things I would be "cured" or not be able to take insulin anymore. Because hey if that were the thing. I would had been "cured" ages ago, doing all my best, and eating all the "right" foods and doing so much exercise. Just to stay balanced or for at least one of my blood sugars to be on the right track for at least five minutes to an hour. Hows it possible that a none Diabetic person thinks they know more about Diabetes than the Diabetic person it self. This is my theory, if someone wants to know about Diabetes or at least about my Diabetes, as me and I will tell you. Just ask a Diabetic person and I am sure they will be more than happy to tell you about Diabetes, and how that person deals with it on a daily basis. Instead of giving advice without being asked just fucking ask. Do not assume and do not give advice or whatever, unless you are being asked for one.http://www.diabetes.org/diabetes-basics/

My thoughts as a Diabetic my self

  There has been days that I do not want to deal with my Diabetes at all and I want to send it all to hell, others Im all fine with it and others I think to my self if is even real that I have Diabetes at all. It sometimes just feels surreal that I have diabetes. It feels like just leaving a damn dream with Diabetes. With the ups and downs and the normal ones of diabetes. You know what I mean with that if you have or know a person with Diabetes. It is not fair to have this deseas at all. I wonder some days why is there such cures for anything else that we hear on TV but not for Diabetes ever. Its just all about, "oh you could try this I heard/know you can cure your Diabetes because my so and so does not have it anymore" or "I know cinnamon helps cure Diabetes and all you need to do it and give it a try". All this apparent "cures" we hear left and right up and down and shit why is it that no one with Diabetes has gotten cured with any of that crap we all so hear about.

       Now hows it possible that we hear about such cures for Diabetes and hows it gonna come in 5(five) years yet theres no cure at all. Now this is the stupid part, every 5 years we are told that there will be a damn cure the D within so and so time but there is nothing yet to cure our Diabetes at all. I dislike how they all promise a damn cure but yet there is none yet and people keep being diagnosed with Diabetes everyday. 

      Diabetes is not about how some apparent foods will cure it or any of that stuff we all hear is about that we don't want to hear about it. We just want to just not have it at all, there is days is so hard to control the damn thing no matter how hard you try and no matter what you do it wont just control, and there is days that it all goes so smooth. The highs are something else those suckers sneack up on you like damn what the hell were you come from then again they make you just sweeter and you already are. The lows are just some suckers too, they make you eat like a damn crazy and next thing you know your kitchen is empty and you don't even know where all your candy, sodas and glucose tablets went to. Just because your sugar went so low to the damn ground. 

      Then again everyones Diabetes is different and everyone deals with it in a different way. 

But I am sure that when someone gets a low all the candy is their best friend even the one they don't even like at all, all or the majority of the junk food is your best friend because you just need to get that sour low up and get it sweeter or at least just a little. The highs are just so damn grumpy all the sweetness wants to come out all at once in different ways. That is why we need exercise and water even though we are gonna go to the restroom every so often its like we live there when the highs sneak up on us.

      Now some of you may relate to this some of you wont. Its all just trying to understand Diabetes from a person with Diabetes has to say. 

You may comment down below any topic you may want me to talk about or just any thing you'd like

to know. Hope to hear from you soon, Kisses darlings.

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         JUPITER

Seizures... Of a Low Blood Sugar

A day or so ago I had a bad experience with a low.

I woke up in the morning, but felt paralyzed, I could not move at all. It felt as if something or someone was holding me down. Every time I wanted to move it felt weird and I could not move as hard as I tried I couldn't. It was too scary, since I live alone and experiencing that. It felt as if I was dead being alive. Somehow though I managed to call my neighbor for help, and managed to drag self to unlock the door. I was scared, didn't know what to think but just maybe that it might of been my self that did that. But I'm sure it was not me. Maybe my body withdrew from stress and worries and that's not good.
When I feel sick like that, my Diabetes going whack and weird on me it feels as if is all my fault. I know it is not but it just feels that way though. Or just maybe next time it happens I'm not going to make it. That probably I'll just end up gone, and I don't want that, not yet at least. It scares me when that happens, because I'm not young but I'm not old ether. I have experienced exiting things but not everything. Many people say its always my fault that it happens, but they don't know what I do everyday to keep my self alive for the next few minutes, or hours not my life. Maybe to even see the last sunset for Satan's sake!! People need to understand its not easy having to deal with diabetes. They don't know what I have to do every day or the other diabetics out there to keep our selves alive.

<3

Diabetes is Wacked......(Hospital Bed)

Last night something happened to me.. I was at my neighbors house right? It was all right and everything okay, till all of a sudden my Diabetes/Blood Sugar went all waked on me. My blood sugar was on the 100's but it felt,as if it was low or something. I felt scared, as if I was dead or something. It was and still is a scary feeling, it all felt like a dream. Felt like I was a goner, and couldn't do anything about it. Then they take me to some damn room to scan my head?!?! What the hell!!! I as well fell like some weird robot from all the crap they sticked on me. Anyway! I am not dead!! �� ��