Diabetes Daily: Lows and some Highs

     Times when I have a low blood sugar it makes me feel week and tired. It makes me feel as if it is not me at all, kind of like an out of body experience. It feels off in some sort of way, whenever I am experiencing a low blood sugar. One time I remember, I felt a low blood sugar coming low, it felt as if I had smoked marijuana or something like that. It felt weirdly off and awkward. I didn't know explain it to anyone or tell the people I was working with what was happening, or how I was feeling. All I was able to quickly think of was asking for a juice. I am not sure why it was the first thing to my mind, but it did, but I am glad I did though. I just in a way knew how speak up whenever I were to have a low blood sugar. I though shut down; I even forget how to even speak. I get dumb when my blood sugar gets low, I dislike it very so much. I don't know how else to describe how it feels for me to have a low blood sugar. I have had quite a few times where I wake up while having a low blood sugar seizure. It feels wrong, my body feels like I can barely move it. I feel like a damn robot. It feels like I lose control of my body. I feel like my limbs are stuck however my body is laying down, somehow though I manage to lay on my side, just in case of anything. On times like this, I am glad I have a smart phone, where I can just say "hey siri call...." I honestly have never felt glad to have a smart phone, for when times like such come up. 

    Now when it comes to a stupid high blood sugar, it feels like dying in some way. I feel dryer than the Sahara Desert. I cannot stop drinking water while I run to the restroom. I have had those times when I have had DKA, and it feels like I'm dying. It does not feel pretty how horrendous it feels. Aside from feeling dryer than the Sahara Desert, I feel hunger, though no matter how much water I may drink, it feels that the thirst does not quench at all. At the same time, I pee more than I drunk it feels like. The hunger part, it feels like even if I eat no matter how much, I lose weight like dumb. I as well vomit, and my body cannot hold anything, not even water, that is when is extremely bad DKA wise. It never felt great, the times I was experiencing all of that, it never felt great at all. At one point I told myself, "Maybe it's time to pass on, so you do not have to deal with Diabetes anymore.

    Same negative talk I've had it when I experience extremely low blood sugars, that includes the ones where I woken up while having a seizure. None of those two highs or lows ever okay in any shape, way or form. Let alone having to deal with diabetes every single day at every hour minute or second. It sucks having to deal with diabetes, I dislike diabetes, I very so much dislike I was ever diagnose I was ever diagnosed with it. But one of the things I dislike the most, is when people tell me or say I don't ever try hard enough, or that I don't ever do my best to take care of myself or my diabetes. As if they knew how difficult it is to manage it in the first place. I didn't ask to be a Diabetic. I never asked for a chronic illness at all, especially when your only six years old. 

    Diabetes has thought me so much, so very much and I am grateful for that, even though I dislike having Diabetes, I am glad I learn many things every day, even to this day, I still learn many things from having diabetes. There's never a damn dull day every. There is many resources and help guide I can always go to, if I were to have difficulties with something, whether is diabetes wise or medications or whatever it is. There is resources out there for any of us to try. I would like them down below for you if you needed resources for anything or help.

Diabetes Assication

JDRF

https://www.jdrf.org/

Diabetes Daily....Let's Talk Diabetes

     Good Evening/Morning everyone,

How's everyone doing tonight. I am doing perfectly well enough, for tonight at least. Diabetes though, I dislike it most days, yet others I want to think I'm perfectly fine with it. That is because there is days where the numbers are so perfect, it makes me think I am doing something amazing or having the most amazing day ever. Other days the numbers are just disgusting enough it makes me think I am not doing anything right even though I do the best of my abilities.

    It makes feel like a failure when my blood sugars aren't doing as good as would like to. Yes, there is days where I hate it being a diabetic so much, it makes me wonder why I was ever diagnosed with it or why did I had to become a diabetic. Bur in a way, it makes me feel okay enough to be one because I can teach someone about it or explain to someone what diabetes is, or at least the different between type one (juvenile diabetes) and type 2. Though most people think and ask when I tell them I have diabetes they say "is that the bad one?" "is that the worse one?" I do not know what people think diabetes is, or when they think I cannot eat food at all, such as chocolate, soda, juice or whatever it is. I try and explain my diabetes in every which way possible in a way they may understand yet most are too stupid to want to understand. I don't understand what people think diabetes is, or what the differences are. All I hear is "oh yes my so and so has diabetes. They did such and such and now they do not have diabetes anymore. Maybe you should try it, and you can get off your meds, as well as you won't be diabetic anymore." So that's where I come in and try to explain about the one diabetes that I have and explain to them what the type of diabetes I have is. Or at least a simple explanation of the two is, that I believe people may understand, if so. 

    I remember too though, when I first got diagnosed with diabetes back in 1996, it was very difficult to deal with diabetes in every sense. Specially for a six-year-old child who knows not better about a chronic illness that they have to live with for the rest of their lives. Let alone a single mother who knew no better but did her best to deal with it. All I knew at that age was that I wanted to eat cake, candy and soda. I was always told I couldn't or just a simple no. I did not understand why I couldn't by my friends were able to just not me. I did not understand, why everyone else was able to enjoy, candy, soda, cake and all those good, tasty things kids love to eat, yet I was unable to do so. All I knew to do at that age was prick my fingers and inject myself at least 30 min before I had to eat. I did not even comprehend the whole diabetes thing at that age. I did not even know what that meant at six years old. 

    But now that I am older, I understand better how to manage my diabetes better than I did when I was in high school. I did rebel at that age, I did not want to do the whole pricking the falangies nor inject at all. I did do so, but not like I was supposed to. But anyway though, that is what it is. 

That is all my ranting for the day, Ill talk to you all soon....

Diabetes talk anyone??

  Hey everyone!! Is been so long I have been on here, been busy lately but now I have more time to post on here. Anyway! I've been thinking lately about how diabetes has affected my life in many ways yet made it better in other ways as well. The past few days I've experienced lows to the point I wasn't feeling half of my body. Which is not good at all and I do not know why or how that comes. It scares me that some days I'm not gonna wake up one of these days. No I'm not saying that I do not take care of my self because I do in so many ways than others and some people think I am not doing so just because I've experienced lows or highs for so many days in a row. How does that translate that I am not taking care of my self what so ever. Why can any one see how hard I try to take care of my self. How is it possible that everyone sees the bad but not the good I've done for my self. It makes me feel like I am not trying or doing my best at all, and it makes me feel like shit. Living with Diabetes is hard and stupid enough for others to tell me I am not doing my best enough to deal with Diabetes every day that I get scared I will not wake up one of these days at all. I feel like shit already just having Diabetes and dealing with it for people telling me I am not doing the best I can or that is not good enough what I do. Weather I do my best or not to manage my diabetes seems like is never enough to someone else.
   I am honestly scared that one day I will not wake up at all, and I do not ever want that to happen and hurt my family because of that. I hate having diabetes and dealing with it 24/7/365 its difficult dealing and managing it all the time. Some days I want to give it up but I don't because I want to see my loved ones one more time/day.

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

Experiencing a Diabetic Seizure...

  Hi! Long time no talk!....Today I wanted to talk about few of my experiences, when I have been really low to the point I have seizures.
  So usually I feel when I am low, check my sugars and I have a couple of glucose tablets, wait a few minutes to somewhat stabilize, then I get something such as a PB&J and a small glass of juice or something as such. That is typically when I am alone and what now, thank goodness I have my cat Mr. Coffee that stays by my side, in those times though it may seem like he does not care but he does. Usually lets me know few minutes before I have the symptoms. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night with a low, my cat wakes me up which is funny I didn't think my cat would do such a thing since I live alone at the moment. I am very happy that I have a pet that helps me in such ways. :) Anyway, in some way that is kinda funny yet weird at the same time, and call it what you will, but in some ways I think my diabetic subconscious knows when I am with someone and lows show up at the weirdest of times. Because when I am asleep I usually wake up and shove everything that gets to be in front of me to my face. But when my subconscious knows there is someone with me that is able to help me when my sugar gets low that is when it decides to just drop low to the darn ground and my body decides to have a seizure, to the point 911 has to be called and at least two ambulances, three fire trucks and five cop cars get to the scene, which is funny because my diabetes decided to have a damn moment, and all of a sudden my house is filled with all them sexy people to my rescue making sure I do not die! I am just happy that happens and when I get to see them all my blood sugar stabilizes but drops again because of all the excitement. XD
  Don't give me wrong I love it when they all surround me trying to not let me go, but it gets tiredly frustrating that all those fireman, paramedics and cops that you saw three days ago are there again, and again and again. That they already know you by name, your exact location and everything else in between that they all make sure to stay close by just incase your diabetes decides to go all crazy wack on you again same rutine from two days ago, and them telling you the same darn think, and you try your best to not let it happen again but decides at the worse times to do it all over again. Which is not a nice feeling to experience that you are thinking to get your self hospitalized for few weeks to see what is going on with your darn self, or maybe is because your pancreas or whatever decided to not work with you for that long. That you decide in some way to give it all up, but not all the way because you know as much as you try nothing seems to be working at all.
  You don't give up on this battle though because you desperately want to win so bad, and feel glorious that you are doing something right because you wake up the next day alive, knowing that you will be alive one more day and be the best you are and the awesome hero that you are. Because in someones eyeballs you are the person that showed them to never give up including your beautiful fury children. Because without you they would be hungry and yea.....Anyway, don't ever give up on this battle that you are fighting because in someones eyes even an animal, you are a superhero! <3

Jupiter <3 <3

Diabetes something

  Hey everyone! I know is been such a long time I have been here...anyway! Lately with my blood sugars has been crazy! With the ups and downs and everything else in between. But anyway lately I have read many good articles about diabetes and what other new devises are coming out and what not. Which is great don't give me wrong, another "great" device coming out for Diabetes and people with Diabetes and what not awesome. But why is it that every five years or so there is always a new devise coming out rather than coming out with a damn fucking cure for the fucking diabetes! Every single person with diabetes has been waiting for a damn cure but all we get is just another retarded devise that will apparently will help us so little for so much money. Diabetes supplies and everything else are too costly and damn expensive. I can barely afford a bottle of 100 strips, a couple of insulin pens, the pen needles and any extra shit that needs to go a long with this other shit that I bought just to keep my dang self alive for another few hours or so. So why is it that companies are coming with new devises that are going to be twice as expensive as the last two that came out just 3 months ago.
  Why is it that we cannot get a fucking cure, like the cancer patines, I mean I do not have nothing against them at all whatsoever, but some of them have it easy that they get cured and in hopes to be cancer free and live an awesome cancer free life, or any other chronic deseases that do have a cure. So why cant we diabetics have a fucking cure that will make us diabetic free for few days, months years or whatever the fuck. Why cannot we have that at all. So to you all that are not diabetic, and that are ignorant and stupid about diabetes and that do not understand diabetes at all. Do you ever know what it is like to have to be strong enough for this shit?? Do you know what is like to be worried about what your next blood sugar level will be?? To have to be worried if you even will wake up the next morning, or even make it out of a low or high?? do you know how it feels like when someone tells you how you should handle your shit and not even know what is like to have it?? Do you even think it is easy that easy to have diabetes like you think it is?? No you do not, you do not even know how much money is waisted on something we only use once for a blood sugar test, for one injection, for one anything. Having to worry if we will have money for one more strip, for one more needle, for one more anything.
  There is times our fingers don't even want to bleed, and are so damn sore for pricking way to many times a day. Diabetes IS a damn job we do not get paid for, nor get vacations from, where we get nothing but stress and worry about our next purchase for our shit we need to use to treat this damn thing and keep our selves alive for the next time we have to prick a finger to the next blood glucose test.
  Yes I am fighting a battle that no one knows about, I am strong enough to handle this shit, to be alive to give my family and boyfriend a hard time. I do not give up because I have a cat to take care of and a family that loves me and would hate to see me gone and not be around to argue with anymore.
  Diabetes is a difficult thing to deal with on a daily basis.

Jupiter<3

Public Diabetes Display (PDD)

   So, I want to talk about when my self having diabetes and when I go out there have been times, where I have the need to check my blood sugar and take insulin shots. When I go out to eat with family and/or friends there has been times where I do it. Usually when I do that I get random looks from strangers as they were thinking "what is she doing, why is she not in the restroom doing that, ew" or "why is she doing such a thing as getting high". I have the feeling that people do that but hey when you got to do that why not right?

   There was one time though where I heard someone say behind me something along the line "she is getting high why would she be doing that in public and all" so I went over to tell her the reason why I was doing such thing. Friends that know that I have diabetes and obviously my family don't seem to mind so much that I check my blood sugar in front of them, they just kind of ignore it. Since they know I have to do it, but at times I tend to get asked if it hurts and how I am able to deal with such thing and what not. They also say that they would not be able to do such a thing because they are scared of needles or what not. That is when I come in and tell them that if I not do it I will end up in the hospital, or just dying. Yes it hurts at times pricking my fingers or injecting insulin, it sometimes burns, but hey is either I deal with the burning sensation of insulin and pricking fingers or I wont last for another day or for the next few hours or what not.

   Yes it is hard to deal with diabetes on a daily basis, and there has been times I just don't want to deal with it but I think to my self, why not deal with it and live another day to talk to my family and friends even if it's to give them a hard time and some hell here and there. So to the people that stare at someone pricking their finger and injecting insulin, don't stare like we are some maniacs or some crazy people getting high in public. Maybe you should take the time and ask what they are doing and if you see them not looking okay ask if they need some kind of help, do not be ignorant if they tell you they have diabetes or whatever else they may have. Because you do not know what challenges they may be taking just to be alive for few more hours. Some of us may have certain amount of time to live and we our selves may not know it and all we are trying to do is live another day. Do not be telling us what we should or should not do. We are the ones that know more of our diabetes than our Doctors do. We are able to eat anything you are able to eat but with moderation. It is nothing out of the world. We are not aliens we are not some type of weird freak either. We are our own hero, that can save our self. All we want is just a dang cure so we don't have to deal with it any more, why?? Because you do not how hard it is to have to deal with diabetes 24/7/365. If you want to know how to help a person with diabetes just ask them, and we will be able to help you. Each person with diabetes deals with it in a different way, a persons diabetes is different from someone else's diabetes. There is days my diabetes is such a roller coaster, one minute it could be just fine but thirty (30) mutes later it could be hight that I am way to sweet, and I am not my self, the next hour or so it
could be low to the ground and I don't know what I'm doing

and I could not even know who I am at times or where I am or any of that. I may start eating anything and everything that comes to hand and is reachable. It is not a pretty feeling either way. From my experience from being a diabetic for 19+ I can tell you that at times I wish I didn't have diabetes at all, I wish I was a "normal" person. Yes there is times I ask my self what did I do wrong to end up being diagnosed with diabetes at such young age of seven (7). But then again I tell my self my immune system just screwed up and decided to attack my well functioning pancreas and give me this life sentence, that I did not wish for at all, not even on my dreams did I wish to have it. All I know is that I am a well strong person that can handle it and knows how to deal with it. Yes there is times it all just goes wrong. But hey that's what comes with it right??


To any of you who are dealing with diabetes or just got diagnosed with diabetes I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out there, you just got to go find them and talk to someone that could and will understand your struggle that you are going through. Yes it is not easy at all, but I know you can over come it and be a hero to someone, and show them how much of a badass you are kicking Diabetes ass.


Jupiter <3 <3

http://diatribe.org/diabetes-blogs-and-forums

http://thediabetesheroes.com/index.html

Diabetes and I

   Diabetes don't bother me at all but you know?? There are days or times where I just feel like I am living a dream with a chronic desease called Diabetes. I was diagnosed when I was about six or seven  years old, at the time everything was just new to me and my family, following a "rigid" diet where my mom would not let me eat sweets such as soda, candy, or any of that stuff. It was difficult for me and of course my family too. Having to constantly prick my fingers to check my blood sugar and up to eight infections a day just to stabilize my glucose. 

   At times when I am checking my blood sugar it just feels so unreal, as if it were not me doing such thing, or when I inject the insulin before every meal. It just all seems like such a lie, as if it were somebody else in my body doing all of this. I get frustrated, angry and said and I constantly ask my self why do I have to deal with such thing. Why can I not have diabetes at all, it just all makes me so angry at my self, sad, depressed, and everything in between. There is times I just cant help it but burst in tears and ask my self if I did anything to have diabetes at all, and if I could had done something different I would not have it. Yes there is days that I feel sorry for my self when I shouldn't, I fight this battle on having to deal with diabetes. It is a daily battle dealing with all of this. There is days/times when I just don't want to deal with my diabetes and I want to give it all up have something happen. I just don't do so because I know my family will miss me even friends and my pet. 

   This battle against diabetes is so difficult and at times it feels as if no one understands how I feel inside. Pricking my fingers to have at least a tiny speckle of blood to check my blood sugar, and having to inject so much of insulin so it all stays stable and not end up in the hospital. Having diabetes is not ok at all, because everything you have to do and battle against. People being so ignorant about diabetes and thinking they know more than you do when you are the one dealing with it every single day at all hours, minutes, and seconds of everyday.  I really DO NOT I repeat DO NOT wish on someone to have diabetes at all whatsoever. 

   I remember when I was newly diagnosed it hurted to prick my fingers and the burning sensation whenever I had to give my self shots. It was the hardest thing in the world and it still is, because there is times or days or whatever that you do not know what to do about it, or you just want to give up but you just don't because you want to live another day, just to see or talk to friends and family, go out on a walk with your dog or wanting to ride your bicycle or something. I wish I never would have diabetes at all. I know it was not my fault having diabetes but it feels like it all was my fault, that maybe I could have had done something different maybe I would never have diabetes at all. 

   There is days like I say I feel angry, sad, depressed and everything in between because of my diabetes. 

P.S. The video above is not me, is something I found on youtube.

Jupiter <3 <3

Seizures... Of a Low Blood Sugar

A day or so ago I had a bad experience with a low.

I woke up in the morning, but felt paralyzed, I could not move at all. It felt as if something or someone was holding me down. Every time I wanted to move it felt weird and I could not move as hard as I tried I couldn't. It was too scary, since I live alone and experiencing that. It felt as if I was dead being alive. Somehow though I managed to call my neighbor for help, and managed to drag self to unlock the door. I was scared, didn't know what to think but just maybe that it might of been my self that did that. But I'm sure it was not me. Maybe my body withdrew from stress and worries and that's not good.
When I feel sick like that, my Diabetes going whack and weird on me it feels as if is all my fault. I know it is not but it just feels that way though. Or just maybe next time it happens I'm not going to make it. That probably I'll just end up gone, and I don't want that, not yet at least. It scares me when that happens, because I'm not young but I'm not old ether. I have experienced exiting things but not everything. Many people say its always my fault that it happens, but they don't know what I do everyday to keep my self alive for the next few minutes, or hours not my life. Maybe to even see the last sunset for Satan's sake!! People need to understand its not easy having to deal with diabetes. They don't know what I have to do every day or the other diabetics out there to keep our selves alive.

<3

Diabetes is not easy.... EVER!!

Don't you hate when people tell you and think they know more about your Diabetes than you or just Diabetes in general?! It angers me a lot, because is like they do not know what's like to deal with it in the daily basis 24/7 at all. They do know know nothing, yet they say they do and try to make you do things or what not because what you do is not okay or it's not what a Diabetic should do. The Dr.'s don't know what we do our struggle with just to keep our sugar level okay or or at least on a "normal" range at all. No body knows our efforts more than us yet we get told we are not doing it right. Or that the things we do are wrong that we should do it the way they tell us. But guess what Dr. dude!! You ain't the diabetic one here I AM!! What bugs me about the people I tell that I'm Diabetic, it's that they think that know more than me, or that they are experts in that just because their whom ever family member has it. But just because they know someone that has Diabetes does not mean they know more than me or them. Many people say to me "oh you should not be eating this or you should not eating that but eat this instead is better for you." That bothers me a lot. Just because I got the D does not mean I can't eat nothing. I'm just a normal person that is able to eat what ever the hell she wants as much as I WANT WHEN I WANT because I FUCKING CAN!!!! I'll just give my self the whole bottle of insulin if I have to. To me at least most times it is difficult having to deal with my Diabetes because having to prick my fingers so many times a day, and having to inject insulin everyday 24/7 just to keep my self alive it is difficult! To the point I don't want to do it at all anymore. There's times I just want to give up having to check my blood sugar and injecting because it's just to much, I feel like its to much at times. Dealing with Diabetes is to much work, why don't I get paid for it already. There is days I cry because I have Diabetes and I ask my self why, why me why do I have to deal with it, but then I think to my self why NOT me. Because if it were someone else with Diabetes they would not know how to deal with it like I do, in the ways I deal with it. You know what keeps me going dealing with my Diabetes?? What keeps me going is that I want to keep giving hell to my family, and ex boyfriend and maybe because I want to be the next Million Dollar Baby. Though I know that'll never happen but I just want to keep my hopes up for that, or maybe become a badass Lawyer that never losses like the Kardashian dude with the O.J. Simpson case. Well, that's me dealing with Diabetes, and ranting about people and Dr.'s that don't know about Diabetes like I do. 

Jupiter <3 <3