The Price of Diabetes..

     So, recently I was pondering why is it that insulin a life saving drug for many of us is so stupidly expensive, when it cost merely pennies to make. Yet its to expensive to get, not only insulin but also other thins such as a glucose meter, test strips, glucose tablets, emergency kit aka Glucagon, etc. Such things why is it that they are expensive, expensive to the point that I have to almost decide whether if I want a roof over my head, food, and feed the dog, or life saving drug. 

    How is it that big pharma takes advantage of situation, who is it possible that a drug addict or alcoholic can have a small damn pill for free to “cure” them from such thing, and people like us who desperately need a life saving drug have to give up everything else only to have a life saving drug. Nothing against a person who is alcoholic, or addict I have nothing against them. But what I am against is why is it that they have everything for free such as narcan or whatever other meds to get them off from not overdosing or whatever, yet we have to pay thousands and thousands of dollars for something that keeps us alive.

    There have been too many deaths from people not being able to afford their insulin and other necesities what we require to live another day. It is very sad that the government isn’t doing anything to help or at least bring down the prices for such life saving drug. Why is it that rehab places receive free things and are willing to help someone with such things such as drug addiction, alcoholism and such things but aren’t willing to help a person with diabetes and get them free supplies such as free testing supplies, such as glucose meters, test strips, finger prickers, glucose tablets and such to help them manage their blood sugars and such. As well as the why is it bills to treat a person with diabetes are so expensive to the point of no return yet for anyone else those kinds of bills aren’t as high. Or is it just me..

    I was told by my iunsurance company that they would not sell me supplies for my insulin pump or the dexcom only because they decided not to tell me about the charges the times I was ordering supplies from the pharmacy. Such bill went up to almost $3000 something I wasnt not able to afford to pay in months or so. Im poor and I’m barely able to pay for rent and insulin. Rent is expensive let alone diabetes supplies and insulin, something that keeps me alive another damn day. 

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

How I feel having Diabetes Type 1......

   So it's about 4:30am....wee hours of the night early hours of the morning. I was about to go to bed when I started thinking about my life having Diabetes. It's difficult yes the majority of the time, because I want to give it all up and live my life as a "normal" person without having to worry about carb counting, or pricking my fingers nor I want to inject insulin every so often a day. Nor I like feeling the way I feel when my blood sugars drop so low or  go sky high. It is not a damn good fucking feeling. Yes I do feel depressed and disgusted about it because I never asked to have this life as a diabetic at all. It was given to me without asking for it. I hate it I feel disgusted living like that.
   I even cry because why did I have to be diagnosed with Diabetes at such a young age. I get scared on the what if I don't wake up, what if I don't make it to be an old lady, just the what if's that I don't get to do anymore. What if I end up in the hospital one last time and I never get to come out of there anymore. I don't what to be afraid for my life anymore, I don't want to have to worry about my blood sugars nor doing anything at all that I do now as a Diabetic. I don't want my family to worry about me or how my blood sugars are anymore. Yes I fucking have being a diabetic so bad, I despise it so bad. I often as my self what did I ever do to be a diabetic. Was I such that bad of a person that now in this life I got diagnosed with diabetes at such a young age??? I often wonder why did it had to be me and not someone else that is able to afford this fucking life. I can barely buy my self a damn soda when it drops, how the fuck am I supposed to afford a $900ish something insulin to keep me alive for a month. I cant afford being a diabetic, neither does anyone else. Its too expensive, fucking scientists make profit while we barely can afford a damn drop of insulin, half a strip, a barely new meter, and any other things that we may need to survive another second.
   How is this fair for any diabetic. How come there is a cure for everything else but diabetes. How come its too difficult to find a cure for diabetes but easy to make newer insulin and newer products for diabetes that cost a lot more, but so hard to find a cure for diabetes that will most likely cost a lot less. I don't want to be afraid for my life anymore, I do not want to have to worry about how many carbs I ate nor I want to prick my fingers or inject or do anything else diabetes related. I just want to live like a normal person without diabetes and not have to worry about it ever again in my life. I want to live a diabetes free life. How hard is that to ask, that I want a cure for diabetes. I don't think is that difficult at all.

Love Venuz <3 <3 <3