Let’s talk Diabetes…

     Oh how I remember somewhat when I got diagnosed with Diabetes T1, it felt scary I was unconscious like no tomorrow. But it felt scary, specially for my mom, though I was able to hear her cries for help and her hoping I would not die. It was really scary, I remember in elementary school, just one day, it was difficult to breath. I was using the restroom way too often, vomiting, feeling too angry and angsty for no reason at all. It was really scary, I remember my classmates telling my why I was breathing the way I was. I felt out of breath even sitting down I felt out of breath, running to the restroom every five minutes. 

    Then boom one night, I remember my mom and my step dad, trying to wake me up, because I had peed the bed. I remember I heard my mom screaming for my step dad, as well as she shaking me to wake up, because the whole mattress was wet in pee. I was not waking up, it felt like everything went black I was not able to recall anything at all others than my mom crying on my stepdads arms “No my daughter!! My daughter what is wrong with her!! Please wake her up, I do not want my baby to die!! What is wrong with her!!” My step dad trying to calm her down with a calm panic in his voice, I was 5-6 years old then my sister barely 1-2 years old. She was afraid I’m so sure of it seeing my mom in such a way, and my step dad trying to calm her down. It felt scary me being in a coma for quite a while. I can only imagine the desperation of my mom, how my sister felt seeing my mom in such a way and my step dad, trying to be strong for my mom and my sister. I remember an emergency room full of nurses, Dr’s and my mom scared thinking I wasn’t going to make it, my sister such a baby then not knowing what the heck was going on but afraid because how my mom felt. It was a thought time for all of us after my diagnosis, that I was going to be on a life saving drug for the rest of my life. It was and still is a damn difficult time to handle and manage diabetes. It is easier now to deal and manage it, yes just like may of you out there with diabetes, I have the difficult where no matter what I do it all goes wrong. I have those days where I just want to give it all up and not deal with diabetes anymore, when I want to send it all to hell. But I don’t because I don’t want my mom to suffer for loosing her daughter, because I didn’t want to fight diabetes anymore. 

    I love my mom enough to not make her suffer in such a way. I love her too much and then some to make her deal with my dumb crazy ass, to give her hell and then some. I want her to be angry at me for either being low or high and her getting mad at me for not treating the low or high sugar soon enough. I want to hear her asking me what are my symptoms when low or high. 

    Diabetes has been my very, VERY!! Odd the hell is wrong with you why are you so out of control today no matter what I do friend. I have had people ask me what the Dexcom is and what is it for, Ive had others think is a nicotine patch which is really fucking hilarious!! Let’s not talk about the insulin pump, I’ve had many people think is either a beeper or an iPod yea the kind that sends music to my pancreas so I don’t die!

    I remember when I was working at a convenience store a lady asked me what the Dexom and Pump was…my first thought that came to mind to tell her was “it means Im a Robot! Beep beep!” The face the lady gave me was all to hilarious to me!! Could not help but laugh! And the person I was working with that day just bursted laughing so hard out loud about my response. We did ended up explaining to her what it was for, and that I had diabetes and such. That was one of the funniest responses to me that I have ever told someone when they asked what they were and what I used them for.

Oh Diabetes! Oh why please tell me why!!

   Hey everyone!! It’s been forever I’ve been around here, in this neighborhood! How are you doing today? How are you really doing…

  Me? I’m doing okay managing and fighting Diabetes as always, just like you. There’s days where I just want to give it up, and not deal with diabetes at all. There’s times when I just want to tell Diabetes, ‘you know what son of a gun?? Why don’t you shove it up your behind and take care of your self and leave me alone!’ But I don’t because, I want to see, talk, walk my dog. Because he’s not going to know why I’m gone, or why I don’t walk him, and give him kisses and such. Because I want to see my mom, talk to her, argue with her, tell her I love her, and most of all!! I don’t want to make her suffer, because I didn’t take care of my self. She worries about me specially when my blood sugars go so low, it’s stupendously ridiculous to get it to go up some days. It’s so stubborn it won’t go up other days it gets ridiculously high! It won’t go down no matter how much insulin I shoot up.

  There’s days when it’s so perfect! It’s the most perfect line on the Dexcom! I want to party hard! That’s just some of the many reasons why I take care of it. As well because I don’t want to hear the “Why didn’t you ever care for your self!” Until they find out how difficult it is to deal with diabetes and how stupid it is day to day, 24/7/365. It is exhausting, overwhelming, mentally and physically and emotionally, difficult to deal with it, now living with it?? I’ve been doing this shit over 30yrs, I’ve lost so much sleep, I’ve cried, screamed, gotten angry on the why did it had to me! And not someone else, why me the fuck me!! And not the person who hunted that one child! But then I think about it and say to my self, ‘why the hell mot me!!’ I’ve dealt with Diabetes for so long! I may be able to help someone else that just got diagnosed with the ‘betes, I may be able to give them pointers how they can manage it, help that little kid, teenage, or even adult how they can. Even help that someone that knows a someone or a family member or friend who knows a friend, how they can help them. 

 I wear my Dwxcom and Insulin Pump, out in the open visible, and I’ve had many people ask me what it is and what is for. And I explain what’s it for and what it helps with and such. I like it when people ask me, I’ve even had other Type Ones flag their flags out, and giving the ‘hey look me to!! Now where besties! Hell yeah!!’ And I love it!

               Yours truly 

                                     VENUZHEY!

Work Stress and Blood Sugars

    That last few weeks my blood sugars have been dropping so low to the point I’ve had to call 911 on my self and call off work, because it’s been a crazy stressful few weeks. My blood sugars have dropped at work even, to the point the manager/s had needed to call the emts but they don’t. They just leave me to my own devices, and as you all know when your blood sugars drops your not your self and you need assistance from someone right? 

    But no, I don’t get any at work, it has been horrible for me, not getting the assistance that I need/require at all. That’s not okay. At work I do not expect anyone to understand diabetes or know how it feels like, but wouldn’t you think management would at least call someone to assist when in dire need one of their employees needs it? That’s the least they could do wouldn’t you think? Not at my work place, and that’s it to mention they force me to go back to work, and get everything done when I don’t even feel okay. Not to mention they don’t even ask if I’m even okay at all. I’ve had to walk out of work, because of y blood sugars being so low. 

   I’ve been looking for another job lately on the downlow of it all. I do not want to keep on being overworked at all when my health is being jeopardized. That’s not okay.

Diabetes at work…

   It’s been so long I’ve post anything here, I feel like I’ve been too lazy and obviously busy with work just like everyone else around here. If I could make this my job writing about diabetes all the time from personal experience and all I so would, but I think I’d get some type of burnout or something like that. But other than that everything good but not so good. 

   Lately I’ve been having to call off work that  I’m not able to show up because either I’ve had a severe low on the verge of seizing or after having a damn seizure that I’ve had to all the ambulance on my self. I honestly do not know how I’m even able to do it or have the strength to do it, but somehow I do. At times like that, I feel like SuperWoman and Wonder Woman all in one. Being my own hero at the worse and best of times. Like anyone of us, specifically when you live alone with a small chihuahua with a heart murmur who’s a rescue. I love that darn dog so much. 

   Anyway, getting off track here, as I mentioned before I’ve had to call off work many times before because of diabetes. Any of you that read my blogs and are type ones or two’s more specifically ones, you know how the hell it feels when your blood sugar goes down so much, you or someone has had to call the ambulance while or after having a seizure. It does not feel so good you feel like shit, or at least I do. I feel weak, that I all I want to do is stay in bed, all day. At that point I don’t even think about work.

  Sometime last week/week and a half or so, I was at work as I worker the night shift, I don’t exactly remember what time it was, I remember I had asked my manager on shift if I was able to get one of the cookies we sell as I work in a foodcourt restaurant inside a casino, that’s was going to pay for it as soon as I was able to. So he was able to give me some brownie chips or some shit. Mind you I was drinking soda like stupid, it felt like that wasn’t working because next thing I know, I didn’t know where I was. I had gone for a restroom break, at that time, I was trying to tie the apron but I was having a difficult time, as if I’d forgotten how to tie the apron, something simple that any is able to do. But at that time I’d forgotten how to do it. Next thing I know I was at the restaurant, one of my coworkers was talking to me and from what I remember, they said I needed to prep something for them, then next thing I know I was grabbing my things and  walked out of work like nothing. It all did but didn’t looked familiar, in the moment it felt like I didn’t belong there at all. After that I don’t really remember much other than walking, next thing I know I was at the bus stop where I take the bus to go home. That’s when my manager messaged me where I was. I apologized and said to him I was low in my blood department, that wasn’t feeling too well. I felt like shit walking out without a word, just like that. 

   And yesterday waking up from a nap, my blood sugar was at 30, i just woke up scared that I wasn’t boto wakes in time to take the dog out on his walk for his business. Poor thing saved me somehow, he just did what he needed to do and looks at me like, ‘ok I’m done let’s go home, you no good hooman’ I don’t know why I had to call my mom to tell her though, I FaceTimed her, so she knew I was well even though not fully there. Yes I ate PB&J sandwich and juice before calling her…I’m okay now, I’m just glad it didn’t went to serious matters, which I’m really happy for.

Alright guys that is it for today! If you guys like comment anything you’d like me to talk bout next and subscribe to keep an eye out for the next post.

                                        Piece & Love, Venuz

Diabetes Oh Diabetes....

  Hey everyone! How's everyone doing so far. Me not too good not too bad! I know I know I haven't been here for too long! My apologies been busy with work and trying to do the best on managing my damn Diabetes. That's all I can do right?? But anyway! Lets get on to what I came here for.

  Oh goodness gracious!! The last past few days has been stupid and crazy! Why you may ask?? Is because while I've been nosy on my facebook page, I've read and noticed that sometime yesterday a family lost their 10yr old daughter while she was at a sleep over with a friend. During the night I am guessing her blood sugar went too low that she was unresponsive by the next morning. With some brain damange. I can only imagine how the family is feeling at the moment for their lost of their baby girl. It is sad that many people are losing the battle against diabetes. Because their blood sugar may drop too low to a critical condition or it could sky rocket too high that in both cases the person or the child does not ever wake up or is just to the point of getting there to the point of no return. Other cases is that most cases than not a Diabetic specially a Type 1 is not able to afford their life support (insulin) which is not okay at all. Here in the United States the damn fucking prices are skyrocketing that we are not able to afford out life support that keeps us alive for the next few days until we can figure out how we are able to afford the next moths supply of our life support. I don't think is fair for no one that has Type 1 Diabetes including my self that we are not able to afford the medication that keeps us alive, our life fucking support until the next "five years" they wont discover a fucking cure for this shit. It isn't fair that they Big Pharma just keeps raising the fucking prices and they make money of us that need that life support drug that keep us alive. How is that any fair for any of us that can barely afford that shit. Any one tell me please how is that fair that while Big Pharma makes money off insulin we Diabetics are losing our life because we cant afford that. Makes me so fucking upset that I see many including my self that can barely afford Insulin have to die one way or another because they just decide to make money of us. They are killing us, they just don't care what happens just as long as they make the money and we lose our life because of that. It is not fair,
  How and when did it went so high on the prices from a vial of insulin from $30-$40 per vial up to $500's to the high $1,000's this is all so ridiculous!! I don't see how is that any fair. Now as a Type 1 Diabetic my self I always do the best that I can to control my blood sugar levels as much as I can. Which can be difficult at times yes, any Type 1 can tell you that. Some days are great but others aren't so great at all. Yes it is difficult but I do my best to try and control it as much as I can.

  Sorry for all this rambling I made about all of this. But this is all to crazy, with high prices on insulin the life support for every Type 1 Diabetic, and many dying for whatever reason. This is not okay at all. Just makes me wonder how many people have to lose their life doe do Diabetes complications or because we cant afford the medication we need to survive.

Diabetes talk anyone??

  Hey everyone!! Is been so long I have been on here, been busy lately but now I have more time to post on here. Anyway! I've been thinking lately about how diabetes has affected my life in many ways yet made it better in other ways as well. The past few days I've experienced lows to the point I wasn't feeling half of my body. Which is not good at all and I do not know why or how that comes. It scares me that some days I'm not gonna wake up one of these days. No I'm not saying that I do not take care of my self because I do in so many ways than others and some people think I am not doing so just because I've experienced lows or highs for so many days in a row. How does that translate that I am not taking care of my self what so ever. Why can any one see how hard I try to take care of my self. How is it possible that everyone sees the bad but not the good I've done for my self. It makes me feel like I am not trying or doing my best at all, and it makes me feel like shit. Living with Diabetes is hard and stupid enough for others to tell me I am not doing my best enough to deal with Diabetes every day that I get scared I will not wake up one of these days at all. I feel like shit already just having Diabetes and dealing with it for people telling me I am not doing the best I can or that is not good enough what I do. Weather I do my best or not to manage my diabetes seems like is never enough to someone else.
   I am honestly scared that one day I will not wake up at all, and I do not ever want that to happen and hurt my family because of that. I hate having diabetes and dealing with it 24/7/365 its difficult dealing and managing it all the time. Some days I want to give it up but I don't because I want to see my loved ones one more time/day.

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/