Diabetes talk anyone??

  Hey everyone!! Is been so long I have been on here, been busy lately but now I have more time to post on here. Anyway! I've been thinking lately about how diabetes has affected my life in many ways yet made it better in other ways as well. The past few days I've experienced lows to the point I wasn't feeling half of my body. Which is not good at all and I do not know why or how that comes. It scares me that some days I'm not gonna wake up one of these days. No I'm not saying that I do not take care of my self because I do in so many ways than others and some people think I am not doing so just because I've experienced lows or highs for so many days in a row. How does that translate that I am not taking care of my self what so ever. Why can any one see how hard I try to take care of my self. How is it possible that everyone sees the bad but not the good I've done for my self. It makes me feel like I am not trying or doing my best at all, and it makes me feel like shit. Living with Diabetes is hard and stupid enough for others to tell me I am not doing my best enough to deal with Diabetes every day that I get scared I will not wake up one of these days at all. I feel like shit already just having Diabetes and dealing with it for people telling me I am not doing the best I can or that is not good enough what I do. Weather I do my best or not to manage my diabetes seems like is never enough to someone else.
   I am honestly scared that one day I will not wake up at all, and I do not ever want that to happen and hurt my family because of that. I hate having diabetes and dealing with it 24/7/365 its difficult dealing and managing it all the time. Some days I want to give it up but I don't because I want to see my loved ones one more time/day.

Diabetes and I

   There is days at times where I find my self upset/sad with my self because I at times ask my self what in the world did I do so wrong to end up with a chronic illness such as Diabetes. Why did it had to choose me of all people at the age of fucking seven years old to get diagnosed with Diabetes. I often ask/say to my self Diabetes ruined my life in many ways but at the same time it did not. More often than not I find my self crying my self to sleep, talking to my mom and boyfriend and people talking about my Diabetes even though most do not understand what the hell I am talking about anyway. Some say to me 'well why are you saying that would you have rather being diagnosed with Cancer??' and that is one of the many things my moms has have said to me before as well. And  it makes me feel like shit because even though she is my mother she does not understand me the majority of the time on what is like to fight for my life everyday just for her to see me another day or even talk to her on the phone. It makes me feel sad that most days my mother does not understand me at all. Yet I do not blame her at all, because I too sometimes do not understand others with a different kind of chronic illness than mine. Yet I always find a way to understand and learn about it, so why is it that when I want a listening ear no one could understand me or at least listen, but I am the one that needs to understand someone else.
   Most of the time I want to quit all of this, and stop taking care my self just to live another day. But I don't stop, why?? Because I am a strong person and I know I will defeat Diabetes. Like my mom once told me, "sometimes the strongest people have to show someone how strong they can really be even with a chronic illness such as yours. Even the strongest people need to be defeated a little with a chronic illness such as yours just to show how strong you really are.".....that is one of the many things she said to me the last time I was with her as well as "Be as strong as you can be love, don't let Diabetes stop you because I know you are one of the strongest people I know, there for don't let Diabetes stop you nor defeat you, Honey promise me that."
   I know I am strong enough to not let this shitty chronic illness stop me but sometimes I let it defeat me because there are days I am just as sick and tiered of this shit as anybody will if they had it. Sometimes I just cannot handle it anymore and I want it to just destroy me for good so I will not suffer anymore. But I wont because I want to see what lies ahead of me when I hit 50yrs. or even 105yrs. Just some days are just to sickening, and stupid, and I do not want to deal with this shit anymore.

http://thediabetesheroes.com/

How I feel having Diabetes Type 1......

   So it's about 4:30am....wee hours of the night early hours of the morning. I was about to go to bed when I started thinking about my life having Diabetes. It's difficult yes the majority of the time, because I want to give it all up and live my life as a "normal" person without having to worry about carb counting, or pricking my fingers nor I want to inject insulin every so often a day. Nor I like feeling the way I feel when my blood sugars drop so low or  go sky high. It is not a damn good fucking feeling. Yes I do feel depressed and disgusted about it because I never asked to have this life as a diabetic at all. It was given to me without asking for it. I hate it I feel disgusted living like that.
   I even cry because why did I have to be diagnosed with Diabetes at such a young age. I get scared on the what if I don't wake up, what if I don't make it to be an old lady, just the what if's that I don't get to do anymore. What if I end up in the hospital one last time and I never get to come out of there anymore. I don't what to be afraid for my life anymore, I don't want to have to worry about my blood sugars nor doing anything at all that I do now as a Diabetic. I don't want my family to worry about me or how my blood sugars are anymore. Yes I fucking have being a diabetic so bad, I despise it so bad. I often as my self what did I ever do to be a diabetic. Was I such that bad of a person that now in this life I got diagnosed with diabetes at such a young age??? I often wonder why did it had to be me and not someone else that is able to afford this fucking life. I can barely buy my self a damn soda when it drops, how the fuck am I supposed to afford a $900ish something insulin to keep me alive for a month. I cant afford being a diabetic, neither does anyone else. Its too expensive, fucking scientists make profit while we barely can afford a damn drop of insulin, half a strip, a barely new meter, and any other things that we may need to survive another second.
   How is this fair for any diabetic. How come there is a cure for everything else but diabetes. How come its too difficult to find a cure for diabetes but easy to make newer insulin and newer products for diabetes that cost a lot more, but so hard to find a cure for diabetes that will most likely cost a lot less. I don't want to be afraid for my life anymore, I do not want to have to worry about how many carbs I ate nor I want to prick my fingers or inject or do anything else diabetes related. I just want to live like a normal person without diabetes and not have to worry about it ever again in my life. I want to live a diabetes free life. How hard is that to ask, that I want a cure for diabetes. I don't think is that difficult at all.

Love Venuz <3 <3 <3

Diabetes & Hospital!

   Hi everyone once again!! After so long, Ive been okay though just a bit stressed lately because I lost my job for dumb reasons. The day after or morning after I shall say, my roommates had to call the ambulance because my blood sugar was way low, that my body was stiff and I could not move any of my body limbs at all, I could not even talk, and it felt so frustrating. Not being able to move or speak at all. I was just glad that there was someone at home when that happened. It is not pretty feeling, if you are a diabetic you know what I am talking about if it ever has happened to you.
    It is not easy being a diabetic at all, but I my self try to make the best of it every day. I hate being a diabetic, I hate the day that I became a diabetic, but it happened and had to happen. Why? I don't know, but it did maybe I was strong and still am strong enough to deal with it. But I hate it so, so much, there is times I ask why did I had to get diabetes, why did I had to be the one getting it and no one else but me. WWHHHYYY!! I just do not understand why I had to be the one getting it and not anyone else. But hey maybe I got lucky being a diabetic right?? Because Im just that sweet that bees don't even want to get close or prick me at all. Trust me to me being a diabetic is just to damn frustrating, tiering, sickening and just plain stupid. Having diabetes a desease that will never have a cure probably. I personally am tiered having to prick my fingers, inject a damn medication, and do everything else that I got to do along with it. Its sickening, its stupid, its tiering, and anything else that  you want. I hate it but Im lucky at the same time, how?? I don't know but I am in a way.

Experiencing a Diabetic Seizure...

  Hi! Long time no talk!....Today I wanted to talk about few of my experiences, when I have been really low to the point I have seizures.
  So usually I feel when I am low, check my sugars and I have a couple of glucose tablets, wait a few minutes to somewhat stabilize, then I get something such as a PB&J and a small glass of juice or something as such. That is typically when I am alone and what now, thank goodness I have my cat Mr. Coffee that stays by my side, in those times though it may seem like he does not care but he does. Usually lets me know few minutes before I have the symptoms. Even when I wake up in the middle of the night with a low, my cat wakes me up which is funny I didn't think my cat would do such a thing since I live alone at the moment. I am very happy that I have a pet that helps me in such ways. :) Anyway, in some way that is kinda funny yet weird at the same time, and call it what you will, but in some ways I think my diabetic subconscious knows when I am with someone and lows show up at the weirdest of times. Because when I am asleep I usually wake up and shove everything that gets to be in front of me to my face. But when my subconscious knows there is someone with me that is able to help me when my sugar gets low that is when it decides to just drop low to the darn ground and my body decides to have a seizure, to the point 911 has to be called and at least two ambulances, three fire trucks and five cop cars get to the scene, which is funny because my diabetes decided to have a damn moment, and all of a sudden my house is filled with all them sexy people to my rescue making sure I do not die! I am just happy that happens and when I get to see them all my blood sugar stabilizes but drops again because of all the excitement. XD
  Don't give me wrong I love it when they all surround me trying to not let me go, but it gets tiredly frustrating that all those fireman, paramedics and cops that you saw three days ago are there again, and again and again. That they already know you by name, your exact location and everything else in between that they all make sure to stay close by just incase your diabetes decides to go all crazy wack on you again same rutine from two days ago, and them telling you the same darn think, and you try your best to not let it happen again but decides at the worse times to do it all over again. Which is not a nice feeling to experience that you are thinking to get your self hospitalized for few weeks to see what is going on with your darn self, or maybe is because your pancreas or whatever decided to not work with you for that long. That you decide in some way to give it all up, but not all the way because you know as much as you try nothing seems to be working at all.
  You don't give up on this battle though because you desperately want to win so bad, and feel glorious that you are doing something right because you wake up the next day alive, knowing that you will be alive one more day and be the best you are and the awesome hero that you are. Because in someones eyeballs you are the person that showed them to never give up including your beautiful fury children. Because without you they would be hungry and yea.....Anyway, don't ever give up on this battle that you are fighting because in someones eyes even an animal, you are a superhero! <3

Jupiter <3 <3

Diabetes something

  Hey everyone! I know is been such a long time I have been here...anyway! Lately with my blood sugars has been crazy! With the ups and downs and everything else in between. But anyway lately I have read many good articles about diabetes and what other new devises are coming out and what not. Which is great don't give me wrong, another "great" device coming out for Diabetes and people with Diabetes and what not awesome. But why is it that every five years or so there is always a new devise coming out rather than coming out with a damn fucking cure for the fucking diabetes! Every single person with diabetes has been waiting for a damn cure but all we get is just another retarded devise that will apparently will help us so little for so much money. Diabetes supplies and everything else are too costly and damn expensive. I can barely afford a bottle of 100 strips, a couple of insulin pens, the pen needles and any extra shit that needs to go a long with this other shit that I bought just to keep my dang self alive for another few hours or so. So why is it that companies are coming with new devises that are going to be twice as expensive as the last two that came out just 3 months ago.
  Why is it that we cannot get a fucking cure, like the cancer patines, I mean I do not have nothing against them at all whatsoever, but some of them have it easy that they get cured and in hopes to be cancer free and live an awesome cancer free life, or any other chronic deseases that do have a cure. So why cant we diabetics have a fucking cure that will make us diabetic free for few days, months years or whatever the fuck. Why cannot we have that at all. So to you all that are not diabetic, and that are ignorant and stupid about diabetes and that do not understand diabetes at all. Do you ever know what it is like to have to be strong enough for this shit?? Do you know what is like to be worried about what your next blood sugar level will be?? To have to be worried if you even will wake up the next morning, or even make it out of a low or high?? do you know how it feels like when someone tells you how you should handle your shit and not even know what is like to have it?? Do you even think it is easy that easy to have diabetes like you think it is?? No you do not, you do not even know how much money is waisted on something we only use once for a blood sugar test, for one injection, for one anything. Having to worry if we will have money for one more strip, for one more needle, for one more anything.
  There is times our fingers don't even want to bleed, and are so damn sore for pricking way to many times a day. Diabetes IS a damn job we do not get paid for, nor get vacations from, where we get nothing but stress and worry about our next purchase for our shit we need to use to treat this damn thing and keep our selves alive for the next time we have to prick a finger to the next blood glucose test.
  Yes I am fighting a battle that no one knows about, I am strong enough to handle this shit, to be alive to give my family and boyfriend a hard time. I do not give up because I have a cat to take care of and a family that loves me and would hate to see me gone and not be around to argue with anymore.
  Diabetes is a difficult thing to deal with on a daily basis.

Jupiter<3

Public Diabetes Display (PDD)

   So, I want to talk about when my self having diabetes and when I go out there have been times, where I have the need to check my blood sugar and take insulin shots. When I go out to eat with family and/or friends there has been times where I do it. Usually when I do that I get random looks from strangers as they were thinking "what is she doing, why is she not in the restroom doing that, ew" or "why is she doing such a thing as getting high". I have the feeling that people do that but hey when you got to do that why not right?

   There was one time though where I heard someone say behind me something along the line "she is getting high why would she be doing that in public and all" so I went over to tell her the reason why I was doing such thing. Friends that know that I have diabetes and obviously my family don't seem to mind so much that I check my blood sugar in front of them, they just kind of ignore it. Since they know I have to do it, but at times I tend to get asked if it hurts and how I am able to deal with such thing and what not. They also say that they would not be able to do such a thing because they are scared of needles or what not. That is when I come in and tell them that if I not do it I will end up in the hospital, or just dying. Yes it hurts at times pricking my fingers or injecting insulin, it sometimes burns, but hey is either I deal with the burning sensation of insulin and pricking fingers or I wont last for another day or for the next few hours or what not.

   Yes it is hard to deal with diabetes on a daily basis, and there has been times I just don't want to deal with it but I think to my self, why not deal with it and live another day to talk to my family and friends even if it's to give them a hard time and some hell here and there. So to the people that stare at someone pricking their finger and injecting insulin, don't stare like we are some maniacs or some crazy people getting high in public. Maybe you should take the time and ask what they are doing and if you see them not looking okay ask if they need some kind of help, do not be ignorant if they tell you they have diabetes or whatever else they may have. Because you do not know what challenges they may be taking just to be alive for few more hours. Some of us may have certain amount of time to live and we our selves may not know it and all we are trying to do is live another day. Do not be telling us what we should or should not do. We are the ones that know more of our diabetes than our Doctors do. We are able to eat anything you are able to eat but with moderation. It is nothing out of the world. We are not aliens we are not some type of weird freak either. We are our own hero, that can save our self. All we want is just a dang cure so we don't have to deal with it any more, why?? Because you do not how hard it is to have to deal with diabetes 24/7/365. If you want to know how to help a person with diabetes just ask them, and we will be able to help you. Each person with diabetes deals with it in a different way, a persons diabetes is different from someone else's diabetes. There is days my diabetes is such a roller coaster, one minute it could be just fine but thirty (30) mutes later it could be hight that I am way to sweet, and I am not my self, the next hour or so it
could be low to the ground and I don't know what I'm doing

and I could not even know who I am at times or where I am or any of that. I may start eating anything and everything that comes to hand and is reachable. It is not a pretty feeling either way. From my experience from being a diabetic for 19+ I can tell you that at times I wish I didn't have diabetes at all, I wish I was a "normal" person. Yes there is times I ask my self what did I do wrong to end up being diagnosed with diabetes at such young age of seven (7). But then again I tell my self my immune system just screwed up and decided to attack my well functioning pancreas and give me this life sentence, that I did not wish for at all, not even on my dreams did I wish to have it. All I know is that I am a well strong person that can handle it and knows how to deal with it. Yes there is times it all just goes wrong. But hey that's what comes with it right??


To any of you who are dealing with diabetes or just got diagnosed with diabetes I want you to know that you are not alone. There are many of us out there, you just got to go find them and talk to someone that could and will understand your struggle that you are going through. Yes it is not easy at all, but I know you can over come it and be a hero to someone, and show them how much of a badass you are kicking Diabetes ass.


Jupiter <3 <3

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